Brought to Tears

As I lay awake at 3:00 A.M. to reflect on the passing of the last day, I am still moved to tears. I came to a realization three things. One, I am so blessed with a fantastic family everything from a mother who taught me how to speak to the husband who accepts every step of my hearing loss to the daughter who just loves me for me. Second, I have the incredable work(school) family and friends and even wonderful dance family. They really look at me for me. These are the people who brought me itune cards when after I had my surgery, held my hand as my dizziness affected my walking down the hallway, drove me around for 3 weeks, and supplied pudding for my recovery. Lastly, I finally meet a group of people I have been either chatting, blogging, networking, or facebooking for the last 2 years. I walked in a room and was in awe of the fact that there stood people wearing cochlear implants, just like me. I found an amazing group and an amazing company.

I came home after the Advanced Bionics get together to a jumping jelly bean of a 10 year old girl. She asked did I meet Miss. Abbie, Misiss. Jen and see Ms. Laurie(remember we are in the south, we address adults with Miss.) She was over the moon for every detail. Alex and Jenna wanted to know everything that was said and done. Jenna who is normally not this hype unless she has Lasester or Starbuck, was just so happy. Finally it hit me at 3:00 A.M., these wonderful people are just like her mom. We may have different hair, different heights, different avenues in life, but to Jenna we are a group of people like mom, deaf with cochlear implants. I never realized she also needs this connection with CI users too.

As I talked to my family(and Vanessa) about this moving experience, I was brought to tears. I realized that not only has my hearing journey effected my life, but the lives of Jenna, Alex, and the wonderful people I call true friends.As I was moved to tears last night, I looked up to Alex and Jenna also crying. Then I realized this hearing journey is not just me, but the wonderful people in our lives that we share it with. As I tear up now writing this I can't wait to take Jenna to visit the exhibit hall. I want to take as many pictures of everything to Jenna and I this is our Disney World trip. I trip of a lifetime. Thank you all for sharing this Hearing Journey with me.

the top 3 CI embarrassing moments

Now that I have enjoyed this fantastic technology for almost 2 years, It is time to reflect on the 3 most embarrassing moments. Not the gosh moments, the oh my goodness how did that happen moment. The I want to hid under the rock moment. I have had so many interesting moment, that I wanted to just point out my 3 top aha moments.

Number 3. Watch your ears when opening up the garage door.

When my dad died, I went home to attend the funeral. The ever so helpful daughter decided to open the garage door for mom, see my younger sister, Heather, damaged the door with her Georgia driving. Needless to say the automatic door opener does not work. Someone has to lift the door open each time. Since of course I am the wonderful daughter I am, I said I would lift it after we got back from the funeral. Oh my I forgot, the door is metal, my ears have magnets, the two don't mix. I got my head too close to the door and bam, no double bam, both cochlear implants attached themselves to the door. At that time, I received my Hercules strength and whipped up the door, CIs attached. My mom and sisters ran out of the car to assist in bringing that door down. All I could think of what would dad do? I'm sure he would have laughed so loud, just like we did as two perfectly attached implants hanging from the door. Needless to say, I am never asked to handle the garage door again......So rule number 1, stay away from garage doors.

Number 2. Don't get too close to the door moment

As a teacher, I get called to the office daily. One such visit, I decided to make sure no one was in Jane's office. I peeked inside the door, just a peek. Little did I remember, the doors have a metal frame around them. I ever so magnet happy right implant left my head and attached itself to the door. Just then I heard come in. I'm trying with all my strength to grab that implant off the frame. It seems my right implant just loved that door. So very embarrassed, I pulled that loving door implant off the wall and marched in. So since then I am reminded of this every time I enter the office - don't get too close to the door, you might lose a CI. So rule number 2, don't get too close to metal doors.

Number 1 - top 1 - Don't change the battery while driving the interstate at top speeds.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.......if my CIs goes dead, I want to change the battery at first notice. I don't care if in the middle of teaching class, walking the hallways, storms, or even driving. I have gotten good at doing it really good until driving back from Vanderbilt on day. I took off old stick to the door right implant to change its battery. Now the right one has an attitude, it likes all the attention. So I whipped it off to change the battery. I slide off the dead AB battery. I did this elbow driving to unzip my battery case and pull out the battery. I got it out ready to enter the hearing world again, when old right just fell to the floor. Oh course I panicked as it lay on the floorboard right by my gas petal. I tried to kick it to me, would not move. I tried to reach down, oh course I'm too short to feel for it. I did everything except the one thing I should have done, pull over and get it. So after around 5 miles, common sense kicked in, pull over get the implant and get home. I feel so intelligent, finally. So rule number 1, don't change the batteries in the car if driving.

Oh forgot this wonderful event, We had storms in April and May. I'm not sure when this happen, I think the first week of May. If any bad weather approaches Clarksville, my principal makes all children and teachers come into the building. Of course I forgot my pocketbook. With a tornado warning, I just wanted to be out of the portable. I did remember my blackberry :). Both batteries died. I sat in silences for over an hour. As soon as the warning went to a watch, my assistant called the office to ask if I could go back out to the portable to get my batteries. My principal was yelling in the phone, NO WAY, she better not go out to the portable. So Final rule - Always grab batteries to carry at all time.

CI batteries, recession, and deaf moments!

I ponder why have I dropped off the bloggingsphere. I wonder why. The only reason I can think of is the state of the world events. Anyone who knows me, knows two things about me: I am very emotional about anything and everything and I am a big history geek. I live for historical events: elections, news, historical facts. I spend my free time researching Presidents. I only have two more classes to get my B.S. degree in history. My lifetime goal beside being a chef is to work as a Presidential historian. Okay you get the point! The state of the world is very depressing. This recession, which by the way has been in place for at least the last 14 months, breaks my heart to watch my cherished daily news. Everyday it is another layoff, a bank failing, or stimulus. I find myself feeling the pain of others and doing what I can to also keep my family from any experience. So in the end I have to turn off the news, back away from the Internet, and pray for the leaders of the world. (Just a side fact that President Roosevelt did not solve the Great Depression in his first term in office. He was re-elected because people trusted him. The Great Depression was not completely ended until after the end of World War II, so 1929 stock market crash until 1945 the end of World War II. )

Now on to what has been happening with me.

Yesterday, Vanessa and I were at the Dollar General Market shopping, looking and just talking. The lady in front of me had the usual food items, the hot dogs, toilet paper, and can food. She also had $30.00 in her hand. I picked up her telling the cashier to stop when she got close to $30.00. The disadvantage to not being able to hear it all, I did not know if that is all the money she had or if she forgot her checkbook or money. I struggled to hear, but was not able to make it out. I was too embrassed to ask Vanessa. The only thing I will ever remember is my lack of doing anything. Since I worried if I heard it wrong, should I have asked if she needed money? Should I have volunteered to help her? One of the disadvantages of not hearing is I tend to not seek out. How do I deal differently next time?

The dancing Queen:

My wonderful daughter dances. Not just dances, but competition dances. This requires long hours at the studio. Since I live on the other side of town, if I don't go to the YMCA then I stay at dance and just wait. I have fallen on this Twilight wagon. I wanted to read the first novel quickly and of course dance is so noisy. The noise reminds me of a rock concert. Can't concentrate, can't read, no problem, just take off my magnets and enjoy the quiet. The dance teacher, Carmen, said she needs my CIs. Sorry my secret weapon against noisy times.

Batteries

I am getting ready to order my first set of Advanced Bionic batteries. I must say it has been fantastic not having to buy batteries weekly. It did remind me of growing up with hearing aids. My family was poor, real poor. My mom would not eat dinner so the children had food. I never knew what the "good" cookies or cereal tasted like until I was an adult. For some reason even if we did not have food, I always had batteries for my hearing aids. Mom said it was more important then her dinner. And you know what, that is something I will never forget! The country maybe in a recession, people losing jobs, families struggling, but let's not forget the important lesson in life, cherish your family the material items don't matter, they can't support you or hug you or even comfort you. So hug your family!

writer's block

I am experiencing some block. I have a lot of ideas swimming in my head. I hope to get the sharks out and write more. I have so many ideas, CI moments and fun times going on, but mostly my life is just about less stress and more normal. See ya later.

Thin Gowns and warm hearts

As I get older, I appreciate the advancement of prevented medical care. I know my body is not what it use to be, and I rely on my doctor to direct me to the latest procedure. Well 2 years ago, I had my baseline mammogram. This mammogram is used to get a good read of the breast in order to have film to compare it to later on in life. Well they found Breast Calcifications. After they were removed, I was told to have regular mammograms at 3 months, 6 months, and a year. After a year of clear mammograms, I was scheduled yearly to make sure everything is normal.

My family history is directly related to breast cancer. My mom is a stage 3 breast cancer survivor. My Aunt Barbara is also a breast cancer survivor, as well as my Great Uncle. With this family history, my sisters and I regular schedule our mammograms. There maybe nothing I can do to stop breast cancer, except self-exams, yearly test, and of course awareness. The only good news in my family is my mom tested negative for the breast cancer gene. Her sister tested positive. Oh my aunt is a fighter, nothing can keep her down, not breast cancer, not tongue cancer, not cervical cancer, not even stomach cancer. She takes that treatment and goes about her life. She is my hero.

Now my regular scheduled mammogram was on the 6th of November. The feared called came on the next Friday. I was to return to the office for more film. They found a density change. So on November 21 at 7:00 I walked into the office. I was taken back and put into that thin cold robe. After three more breast pancakes, and pancakes that should not be humanly possible, I was placed into a room to wait. Several women came in, in the same thin robe in the same cold room. Each attached in a kinship of waiting for answers. I may never remember there names , but I will always remember the stories and faces. They listened to my fear and worry. I listened to their worries. And together we helped each other through! One lady I will never forget had stage 4 breast cancer and a mastectomy. She was there for her follow up test. After 4 years, she comes in every year for a mammogram. After sitting there over an hour, she said, I wish they would just let you so you can get on with your life. There was not need to thread water. Oh I agreed, I just wanted to stop threading water and get on with it. You can't tackle a problem without answers.

Another woman had a "scare" and called back for more film. She was finally told after 1 hour, our group cheered for her, as she was given positive news. One lady had a history of cancer and has had several lumps taken out. Her view was one year at a time. You can't change it, just be in charge of the treatment. This ever following group of ladies of all race, religions, and age bonded of a test that is painful, embarrasses you, and finally can rob your body. We sat in thin gowns laughing, crying, and cheering. When I went back for my ultrasound I knew they would be there to hear my outcome. They cheered as I told them, I had to come back in 6 months but so far so good.

As I left Vanderbilt Breast Center, I will be forever in debted to these wonderful strong women and technicians who helped guide my strength through 3 of the longest hours of my life. Thank you my mammogram group, may each of you have great test returned.

Cochlear Implants and Ear Infections

Well what a last few weeks! I have been battling double ear infections. After two rounds of meds, a shot and decongrestion, my doctor has announced the ear infections are gone!!!!

This is the latest round of ear infections for me. Since bilateral cochlear implant surgery July 9, 2008, I have had at least 5 ear infections. I don't remember ever having as many ear infections before. So I am wondering if ear infections are common side effects of having cochlear implants? What are the reasons behind ear infections in relations to not having usable hearing in the ears. Why have I had an inability to feel the increase in fluid and pain? And finally what can I do to keep from this infection occurring. Now that I have formed my questions, I need to start googling.

If any of you know any information, please pass it on. I learn so much from all of you.

How do you feel about being deaf?

How do you feel about being deaf?



I read that question just this week, of course it made my mind turn and think. The only answer I could come up with is this, while I accept my deafness, it doesn't mean I like it. It does not mean I haven't tried all available technology, so I can have access to sound. It doesn't define me. It just is.



So how do you feel about being deaf? Do you accept it, dislike it, neutral, or love it?

La, La, la.....Music to my ears!

One of the greatest joys of using cochlear implants is music. For 20 years I lost my love for music. It became loud boring noise. Over the past year, I have gone through two ipods, a classic and an Itouch. I am in love with my itouch. I watch videos(wish they were captioned), watch the podcast, keep time at the Y, and listen to my 88 sounds. Oh, I can't wait to get my new itune card to download more sounds. Here is my top 5 of the last few months. I also welcome any suggestions to new songs.

I pick songs that speak to me, for example, bring up a past memory or have a beat that catches my attention.

5. Heaven by Bryan Adams

Lyrics of the song

the YouTube videos were removed, so sorry. There is nothing like the video. Bryan Adams.....where is he? I miss his music.

4. Last Dance by Donna Summers

YouTube Video of the song lyrics of the song

Jenna's dance company used this song for their ending number at their recital in May. I could not get the song out of my mind. It has a kicking beat...long live disco.

3. In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins

YouTube Video of the song Lyrics of the song

I remember this video from the tv show "Miami Vice." I challenge you to watch the youtube and figure out what comes at the end of each line. It too me awhile to get the two words. That drum beat in the middle just gets me each time. I act it out on my stearing wheel everytime.

2. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

YouTube Video of the song Lyrics of the song

In the video, she is easy to read her lips. I love any song that just makes my heart fall in love.

1. Viva la Vida by Coldplay

YouTube Video of the song Lyrics of the song

My new favorite. Some song, it has it all. The beat the words and the music..... A group at Jenna's dance is using this song for dance competition. I heard the beginning and just had to have it. The lyrics are interesting. I still have a hard time getting all the words. Just the beginning sells me.

Music is a joy. I can't get over the differences between hearing aids and cochlear implants with music. When I was listening to music growing up, I always felt as if I was missing something. It turns out I was, the different pitches and the high tones. Music never sounded so good.

***I want to say happy birthday to my first high school boyfriend, John. John just had his birthday on Saturday. True friendships know no communication barriers or distance barriers. He has been my greatest friend since I was in 7th grade(I'm old). I want him to know how important his friendship over the years has been and how much I cherish it. **smack, your birthday kiss****

A Year In Review - Just the Facts

I am reflecting on the past year, I can't help but think how much my life has changed. I am not talking about just the cochlear implants or the blog or the new work assignment or even the new house. When I look into the mirror I see a different person. Not the same old Valerie, not even the new Valerie. I see a person full of something that I have never had before - self-confidence. Yup that old self-esteem and self-worth that my parents worked so hard to develop, but always lacked. How did it magically appear! Bam....bam...here it is. No not that way, it showed up August 8, 2007 with a simple push of the button, live from Nashville...Vanderbilt Medical Center, here is Valerie.......The activation gave an opportunity to finally say "I'm deaf" and you know what I'm okay with it. I accept me. I accept this wonderful device that allows access to sound. I accept its limits as well as it opportunities.

One of the wonderful bloggers, David, at Five String Guitar, had his third Cochlear implant surgery. The doctors wanted to go in and replace his CI. I send all my prayers and smiles his way. He is a fantastic inspiration to all. He is so blessed. May this one be the magic charm and give him the opportunity to be bilateral.

I have been so far behind in my blog reading. I want to redesign my blog and include all my favorites. There are too many to list. I also want to post more often. I have so much to say. So I need to snap out of this pre-fall mood and get with it. Life is too short to sit around and do nothing. There is a whole world to explore. I'm on my way........

I can't believe it moment!

It has been a long time since I posted. Wow too long! I haven't had writer's block or thinking block, just teaching. This year my teaching world has been turned upside down. As I was standing in front of my classroom. The one in a white portable trailer finally with running water and bathroom in front of a group of children that the educational system has given up on. The ones who can't "read, write, or learn." The group that falls into the 1% and 2% of the educational population, that we pass through from grade to grade hoping and wishing they will "pass the test." As I stand before them, I don't see failure. I see happy face writing bat for the first time. I see pigtails writing her first sentence with no grammar errors and she is in 4th grade. I see Ms. Give up identify the /l/ sound and that /a/(short) is not /i/(short). I see success.



BUT HOLD ON- There teacher, me, is a deaf individual teaching phonic to them. Not just sounds, words, I mean speech phonics. Then I say Oh my goodness....how did it happen. Who has the faith in me.



In the spring, I lobbied to teach a fantastic program called Language! by SoprisWest. Language! is a program that assist the children to develop into independent academic readers. It builds the foundation from the bottom. I lobbied for this program. I camped out in the office for this a chance to teach this. I begged, I did everything to be able to teach this. Why?? One reason, many years ago my 2nd grade teacher didn't give up on me, and my goodness I will not give up on these students. I want to be the one teacher that said I believe in you. I will teach you how. I will show you how. I will support you. This program is why I teach. And now they are learning. I see smiles and effort and most importantly self-esteem. Can one program do this? No, this isn't like any program I have ever taught. It's real. It works. Look another day, and I can't wait to go teach my students. I thank my principal for see me instead of my deafness. She hired me 15 years ago even after I interviewed at 7 other schools. She saw me not my deafness. She supported my CIs and is always right there to lend a hand. This person is giving me the opportunity to live this dream. A dream to teach and a dream to change the direction and life of a child. Got to go.

The deaf fairy tale

Once upon a time....no, no wait, I must change that beginning....okay, Once on a sunny beautiful day a baby was born, oh how the parents loved her. They sang to her and talked to her. They dressed her and did all the wonderful parental things for her. She grew and grew until a deadly disease almost claimed her life. Then the little gal couldn't hear the wonderful mother and father. The mother asked the royal doctors for help and they bashed the baby away. The mother refused the have her baby bashed away and decided to set out on a lifetime journey to educate and help the baby grow up...........now a long time after the baby grow up until she was a beautiful Princess.....STOP.....not a beautiful princess......okay changing words again.........Well all gals are princesses, but this one was different, she wore wonderful things on her ears that squeaked when she smiles and laughed.....okay I know let's call her the Princess with ears that squeaky, or Squeaky for short....okay now back to the story..........So now the Princess with ears that squeak when to the Royal ball and met a wonderful Prince Charming.....STOP...first it was not a ball and there is no Prince Charming, Okay, Okay, it was the 80's and she did go to the Zoo, the club, okay now let's settle this Prince Charming stuff, first no guy is a Prince and well he was charming, okay I'll just call him Mr. Charming.....now back to the story......Squeaky went out with her royal friends to the Zoo and met Mr. Charming. Since he did not hear the squeaking he loved her smile and laugh. They fell madly in love and set out in the world to make it a better place. Every time the Princess who squeaked smiled or laughed she squeaked and Mr. Charming just smiled and laughed with her. Many many years later Squeaky and Mr. Charming welcomed a beautiful baby gal into their life. When she was born she cried and screamed. Squeaky couldn't hear anything and instead of smiling and laughing she cried. Squeaky loved that baby with all her heart, but now instead of squeaking she cried more and more and lost her love of words and music. Mr. Charming tried his best to bring her back to the love of words. He tried to find new eary things and more royal doctors. In the end squeaky just faked a smile and loved her baby and Mr. Charming. Then many years after she gave up on hearing the wonderful baby Princess's voice and laugh, she hear from a royal doctor about new ears and the hope of hearing the baby, the Princess with ears that squeak embarked on a journey to get those ears those magical ears. She traveled far and wide, over the mountains and through the valleys. She talked to many royal doctors and many royal helpers and finally got her new ears. When they turned on her new ears she heard the baby Princess and Mr. Charming and tears ran down there faces. Then Squeaky didn't squeak as the tears were replaced with smiles and laughs. The baby princess climbed into Squeaky's lap and told Squeaky that she loved the inside of the heart and now they will find the peace Squeaky wants. Mr. Charming said I might not be charming all the time, but will always love the Princess who squeaks smiles and laughs. The royal mother and father cried as the mother realized her journey to help her daughter has been filled. The Princess' sisters cried and laughed and hugged Squeaky. As Squeaky got us to her new ears the world opened up for her and she enjoyed each day. The family lived happily ever after...STOP, just STOP......if they lived happily ever after then the life was just so boring. who wants to stop living and be happy all the time. Life is boring then, Okay, Okay the new ending. The Princess with ears that don't squeak, Mr. not always Charming, and the baby Princess lived each day with music, laughter, tears, dances, and most of all life.


***When you drive six plus hours, my mind gets stories going. I wanted to write this one before I forgot it. I have a good on dysfunctional and special education. And Abbie what was the other idea I had.....I hope you remember...******

I'm thankful for.....

With my dad at home on hospice care, I am so thankful for my cochlear implants.

Why........I can use the phone to talk to mom or my sisters two, three or more times daily. I can tell through the sound of mom's voice how she is feeling. That is a blessing to really hear her! (I spent my life without the phone, each day I feel more and more comfortable on it.) I heard tears yesterday. I'm going home Friday for the long weekend to hug my dad and say goodbye. I'm sure he is waiting to say goodbye to Jenna and myself. He needs to find his peace.

My dad passed away at 3:53 P.M. August 26, 2008. May he watch over us from heaven. I love you dad.

Turn on the lights!

Many moments happen throughout time without giving it a second thought! This time I stopped and realized how grateful I am. Late one evening after a long stressful day back at work, after dinner and just sitting in bed watching the Olympics read the caption without my bilateral cochlear implants. Get the picture! Me in PJs deaf! My husband wanted to ask a question or make a comment, doesn't really matter. The room just glows from the television. We must have had this moment a million times over 20 years together. Times of frustrations and times of lack of communications. What does he do, instead of just stopping and not talking to me or just texting me, he does something so simple and so routine - he turns on the light and talks to me where I can read his lips! Simple and I was able to understand him.

Then my mind pondered, What makes type of partner or parent or even child can accept hearing loss? I came up with one easy answer. A person who sees deep down in your heart and sees the real you! They don't care about turning on a light or translating for you or even removing you from frustration. They learn a new language just to communicate with you. They fight for an appropriate ASL translator, so you know your important enough to have the best. They practice sounds and create time just to help understanding with sounds. They sit in on meetings IEP or others just make sure the best education is available. In short it comes up to two words - LOVE and ACCEPTING. I am thankful for all the times Alex just turns on the light!

One Year, Tears, and a Belly Laugh!

Taken July 20, 2008, Look how yellow.

One short year ago, I was unable to carry on a conversation without the what....haaa..repeat...go write it down, with my family members. I lost interest in the important "stuff" in life. I sat and just watched TV with caption and forgot to live. Yes, I know, there is no reason why! I just felt helpless. I had been battling my insurance for a year for approval for surgery. After this long frustrating time, I came to a point, either cochlear implants surgery - one, two, or both by summer, or I will have to give up teaching! (Thank you Let Them Hear)

Fast forward a year.......Approval June 3th, Surgery July 19th, and Activation August 8th....

A year!!! wow a year! What a year! I can't believe it has been a year....Does it get any better than this.

So I went to my one year activation anniversary. Got to get the CIs tuned up. Boy, they needed it. 6 months is too long for me to go without a tune up. My dear friend, Vanessa noticed that I have been losing sound discrimination over the last few weeks. Thank goodness for a friend like her, I don't know what I would do without the patient and understanding. All people should have at least one person like Vanessa. Okay, I'll save it for another day....I'll get a picture of her too! Well I went to Vandy to get these fantastic hanging tools of dynamic sounds adjusted. I feel so much better.

BEST NEWS - I got my dream program....the one that filters out squeaky sneakers. My audie adjusted something to -3 and adjusted the high frequency down. So bring on those squeaky sneakers...I'm ready!!!!!

Tears - My dad has been moved to Emory in Atlanta. He is having every test to find the reason behind the jaundice. Mom is right by his side and staying at the hospital. So far no worst and no better. I am so blessed to have parents like them. The love they have shines though the cloud of yellow. I hope I am blessed with a caretaker as strong, compassed, and loving like my mom.

Belly Laugh - I need a good laugh. It's back to school time for us, tomorrow the big day. As an educator, I am going in circles. I can't get anything done. Nothing!!!! I want that laugh..so the other night my loving family decided to watch "I survived a Japanese Gameshow." Oh, my we laughed all evening. Those people are insane. Jenna's laugh infected the whole room. She starts we can't stop. So finally, the tears are replaced with laughter. I also remembered, Dad is in a safe place being taken care of and he won't want tears, but laughter. See Dad knows what is important in life - a good steak, grandchildren, a hug, grandchildren, his girls, and most importantly love...so Dad, I love you and in my heart I remember the real you!!! Get well.

What If??

As I am pondering life's meaning, I wondered what if!!!

What if there were newborn hearing test in 1968 like today?

Maybe the doctors would have spotted my hearing loss and been fitted with hearing aids earlier.

What if the doctor treated my strep throat and it did not develop into rheumatic fever?

Maybe my hearing loss would not have gotten worst and my body wouldn't have the effects of rheumatic fever 30+ years later.

What if I were one of the 1 out of 4 children serviced under IDEA of 1974?

What if my mom's hunt for appropriate education for me was met with understanding teachers and administrations?

Maybe I would not have sat in the last row, last seat. Maybe when my 3rd grade teacher was teaching reading, I wasn't just educating myself. Maybe when all others were learning how to pronounce ed-u-ca-tion, I was just trying to read their lips. Maybe I would have gotten the foundation instead of cracks! Maybe I would have learned ASL or Cued Speech or SEE or AVT.

What if I had good medical insurance coverage growing up?

Then maybe I would have been able to get the hearing aids I needed instead of lying to my mom. Telling her I hear okay, because as a single mom raising 3 girls other expenses came first. Maybe should won't have had to work 2 jobs and save 3 years to buy my first hearing aids.

WHAT IF????

What if technology of today was available to my parents back in 1968?

Maybe I could have bypassed all this with a cochlear implant. Maybe if my parents had the access to cochlear implants and AVT training, I would have bypassed some of the events in my life that added shame, even today. What if????

Update - My dad is back into the hospital. He went into a diabetic coma and his heart stopped. They revived him and he is in ICU. He is still jaundice and his liver is failing. But dad is strong and if anyone can overcome it is my Vietnam Veteran loves his grand babies.

Happy One Year Anniversary to My CIs!

This is a quick posting, I am down in the deep south visiting my parents. My dad(Poppi) has been in the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks. They sent him home on Friday, but he is so jaundice and his live is failing that his toes are yellow. As I watch my biggest supporter slip away, I am reminded that it has been one year since I had bilateral cochlear implants.

As I watch my dad become the shadow of himself, he reminds me to enjoy my life. He came into my life at the age of 18. No one has ever loved my mother the way he has. There love is a real love story. So thank you dad for showing that the best dads are not always the first ones. Most importantly thank you dad for accepting my deafness and me without question. Love you Poppi get well.

Now onto the cochlear implants, it has gone beyond my expectations. Thank you Dr. Ladabie, Susan, Vanderbilt, and Advanced Bionics for this overwhelming second half of my life. I really feel so complete. I get to hear my daughter talk and keep doing my wonderful career. I wish I would have done it 20 years ago. With tears in my eyes, as I think of the past year, a rebirth.

As I watch one life slip away, it is important to make each day count. Tell your family and friends you love them, show them, make those changes, it can be too late. Do let life slip past without living it.

10 blogs I missed when offline

What a crazy move! We finally find our dream house, the one you spend your life wishing for. AND it takes 10 days to get cable and Internet!!!! Our family is tech crazy. We have our cable, wireless router, itouch and use the Internet day and night. We dream in 0 and 1's. I mean what is left.....we talked. Surprising it was wonderful, we unpacked, played music too loud(no neighbors), talked and giggled. Well finally back online!!

I missed so much when being off line. Thank goodness Abbie kept me informed. There are ten sites I can't live without!

10. The first site I visit everyday is the comic For Better or Worse. I live for Elizabeth the teacher, Mike the writer, and April the teenager. I get my daily dose without having to get the newspaper.

9. I am a news junkie. I want to know the latest up to the minute news and weather. My favorite is CNN and Wkrn weather for Nashville weather. I carry an umbrella in my pocketbook in case of rain. I do try to check out the site to plan my day!

8. I went crazy without my e-mail. Oh my goodness, I can't believe how my mail I missed. Since we changed our provider I have to try and save my old e-mail as well. I can't live without my e-mail.

7. Lately blogs have been my life. I love to read the magical words of others. I find it peaceful to know others with cochlear implants and deafness have the same experiences I do. It is a kinship. Our community that accepts us because we are who we are - CI, hard of hearing, deaf, Deaf, ASL, oral, parents, child and just us. My site I use to keep inform of all my favorite blogs is DeafVillage.

6. I admit it, I love gossip. I love celebrity gossip more! Give me my Perez Hilton and TMZ! It took hours to read 10 days of gossip. I am finally up on the birth, DUI arrest, and who is dating who. I'm a junkie, I know. Did you know Madonna is getting divorce???

5. To know me is to understand from August to January(allstars in February) I am a football junkie. I watch NFL network, I know all the players on Tennessee Titan. I can quote stats. I really understand the game! I live for football!!! Tennessee is my team!! Keith Bullock is my player. Love defensive lineman!!! I also keep up on Foxsports, NBCsports, CBSsportline, and NFL online. I am one serious fan!

4. My CIs have brought me to a place I never knew was around. I am finding all kinds of places to learn and explore. I love to read(can't comment since I have explorer and have to download firefox), hearing journey. It is a wonderful place for shared experiences. This site does not pass judgement, but allows for experiences and questions.

3. There are several blogs that I just can't live without. I need my daily dose of humor, laughs, and tears. David at Living in Cone Silence and Abbie at Bionic Women. I also love my Tennessee gals, Laurie at Dance with Sound and Jennifer at Surround Sound. Us Tennessee gals stick together. Also need some Italian spicy views with Jodi at American Mom.

2. I like to visit information blogs as well. I check in on Let Them Hear Foundation. They provide such a valuable resource. Hearing Exchange is amazing for ideas and information. The more you look the more you find.

1. My number 1 favorite site that I had to do without for 10 long whole days is yahoo messenger. Oh, my what a long wait to chat with my buddies. I need to add to my buddy list.

So now that I am online.......I need hours no make it days to catch up!!!! See you later.....

I am going crazy!

Been a long time, wow how time goes so quickly. I am going crazy! Quick break down - vacation, no Internet, no closed caption, moved to new home, no Internet until the 7th of July, no cable until the 9th of July, I do have closed caption, but no food network! So say a nice prayer that I don't have a breakdown!!!!!

Jenna said hello everyone. She placed 3rd and 1st at nationals for her dance!!

My wow CI moment! We were unloading the van and my hubby handed my two boxes of CI harmony boxes. He said that my CIs were more important than anything, even the house. He really appreciates what it has given me. I am so excited that he appreciates how special they are to me.  

Laurie, I can't wait to post our pictures. love ya. It was the highlight of my vacation finally meeting you. Jen, I also have our pictures. Love ya too. Abbie your next!

10 Wonderful Summer Activities

Each summer I pull my hair out to find something fun, cheap, and enjoyable to do with Jenna. With gas prices so high, we are trying to find activities to do close to home. Here is a great list.

10. Take a picnic to the neighborhood, get water guns and get wet!

9. Our local library has a wonderful summer program. They can go twice a week for crafts and reading fun. Then on Thursday night is PJ reading night. An hour long activity to bring the day to the end. Check your local library to see if they have a great program.

8. Our local museum has "Free Sunday." We can go Sunday and tour the museum for free. It is a great way to practice sounds and names. Jenna and I play "I Spy" and the day just flies by. Many museum will have a day of free or reduced cost, it is a great way to spend a day.

7. Great Escape movies has a free daytime movie three days a week. The movies are not current, but oh so much fun to watch. We buy a small popcorn and drink and enjoy the booming sound. Ours runs until August and the movie changes weekly.

6. My favorite activity is to window shop. Since I am the CI user, Jenna or Alex will stop me and say I hear a bell, can you tell me the location? It is a great place to work on visual communications as well as auditory communications. I use it to see if I can focus on a conversation and tune out the background noise. Who knows you might get a good deal on a pair of shoes!

5. Read! We pick up handfuls of books from the library and create a tent in the living room and read for the day. I can't spend too much time outside because of my lupus, so we just create our camping indoors. Make some hot dogs and sing songs. Jenna will dance the day away.

4. Visit a local river or steam. We cover ourselves in sunscreen and hats and make a trip of it. It builds communications and environmental noises. I'm happy unless I see a snake.

3. Join the YMCA! Our Y is income base, so if you take your tax forms, the cost is adjusted on income. Jenna goes to her hang time and rock climbing and I work out. Then we go into the pool for a nice swim. A great indoor pool which means I don't have to worry about getting sick from the sun. The Y is a great investment. I'm hoping the walking, machines and bike will pay off soon.

2. A playland - we will eat lunch at home and then go to McDonalds or ChickFila for ice cream and a few hours of playland. I invite several of her friends and we make an afternoon of it.

1. My daily and favorite activity to do year round. Hug and kiss my daughter. We just spend time each day talking and giggling. I always find time to just watch her favorite show with her and we might do nails or hair. You can't go wrong with just spending time with your children.

Sure there are great and costly things to do, but you know what children remember, the time you spend with them. My favorite memory is when we plugged in the 8 track tape and sang as we cleaned up the kitchen with mom. We laughed, danced, and giggled! My favorite dad memory is going to eat at IHOP and how he always had to eat 3/4 of my meal. Just time! Talk to your children not at them. Excuse me as I go pick up my gal from her "tiger girl" sleepover and tickle a little gal! Enjoy!

Here is my x-ray!

It is still in! Went to a general surgeon today and he is sending me to Nashville. At least I am not crazy and yes it is really in. You can see it in all four x-rays.

So to quote one of my favorite books - It is has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!!

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day