Tales from a CI Gal

Brought to Tears

2009-06-20T02:50:00.000-07:00

As I lay awake at 3:00 A.M. to reflect on the passing of the last day, I am still moved to tears. I came to a realization three things. One, I am so blessed with a fantastic family everything from a mother who taught me how to speak to the husband who accepts every step of my hearing loss to the daughter who just loves me for me. Second, I have the incredable work(school) family and friends and even wonderful dance family. They really look at me for me. These are the people who brought me itune cards when after I had my surgery, held my hand as my dizziness affected my walking down the hallway, drove me around for 3 weeks, and supplied pudding for my recovery. Lastly, I finally meet a group of people I have been either chatting, blogging, networking, or facebooking for the last 2 years. I walked in a room and was in awe of the fact that there stood people wearing cochlear implants, just like me. I found an amazing group and an amazing company.

I came home after the Advanced Bionics get together to a jumping jelly bean of a 10 year old girl. She asked did I meet Miss. Abbie, Misiss. Jen and see Ms. Laurie(remember we are in the south, we address adults with Miss.) She was over the moon for every detail. Alex and Jenna wanted to know everything that was said and done. Jenna who is normally not this hype unless she has Lasester or Starbuck, was just so happy. Finally it hit me at 3:00 A.M., these wonderful people are just like her mom. We may have different hair, different heights, different avenues in life, but to Jenna we are a group of people like mom, deaf with cochlear implants. I never realized she also needs this connection with CI users too.

As I talked to my family(and Vanessa) about this moving experience, I was brought to tears. I realized that not only has my hearing journey effected my life, but the lives of Jenna, Alex, and the wonderful people I call true friends.As I was moved to tears last night, I looked up to Alex and Jenna also crying. Then I realized this hearing journey is not just me, but the wonderful people in our lives that we share it with. As I tear up now writing this I can't wait to take Jenna to visit the exhibit hall. I want to take as many pictures of everything to Jenna and I this is our Disney World trip. I trip of a lifetime. Thank you all for sharing this Hearing Journey with me.

the top 3 CI embarrassing moments

2009-05-31T06:46:00.000-07:00

Now that I have enjoyed this fantastic technology for almost 2 years, It is time to reflect on the 3 most embarrassing moments. Not the gosh moments, the oh my goodness how did that happen moment. The I want to hid under the rock moment. I have had so many interesting moment, that I wanted to just point out my 3 top aha moments.

Number 3. Watch your ears when opening up the garage door.

When my dad died, I went home to attend the funeral. The ever so helpful daughter decided to open the garage door for mom, see my younger sister, Heather, damaged the door with her Georgia driving. Needless to say the automatic door opener does not work. Someone has to lift the door open each time. Since of course I am the wonderful daughter I am, I said I would lift it after we got back from the funeral. Oh my I forgot, the door is metal, my ears have magnets, the two don't mix. I got my head too close to the door and bam, no double bam, both cochlear implants attached themselves to the door. At that time, I received my Hercules strength and whipped up the door, CIs attached. My mom and sisters ran out of the car to assist in bringing that door down. All I could think of what would dad do? I'm sure he would have laughed so loud, just like we did as two perfectly attached implants hanging from the door. Needless to say, I am never asked to handle the garage door again......So rule number 1, stay away from garage doors.

Number 2. Don't get too close to the door moment

As a teacher, I get called to the office daily. One such visit, I decided to make sure no one was in Jane's office. I peeked inside the door, just a peek. Little did I remember, the doors have a metal frame around them. I ever so magnet happy right implant left my head and attached itself to the door. Just then I heard come in. I'm trying with all my strength to grab that implant off the frame. It seems my right implant just loved that door. So very embarrassed, I pulled that loving door implant off the wall and marched in. So since then I am reminded of this every time I enter the office - don't get too close to the door, you might lose a CI. So rule number 2, don't get too close to metal doors.

Number 1 - top 1 - Don't change the battery while driving the interstate at top speeds.

Guilty, guilty, guilty.......if my CIs goes dead, I want to change the battery at first notice. I don't care if in the middle of teaching class, walking the hallways, storms, or even driving. I have gotten good at doing it really good until driving back from Vanderbilt on day. I took off old stick to the door right implant to change its battery. Now the right one has an attitude, it likes all the attention. So I whipped it off to change the battery. I slide off the dead AB battery. I did this elbow driving to unzip my battery case and pull out the battery. I got it out ready to enter the hearing world again, when old right just fell to the floor. Oh course I panicked as it lay on the floorboard right by my gas petal. I tried to kick it to me, would not move. I tried to reach down, oh course I'm too short to feel for it. I did everything except the one thing I should have done, pull over and get it. So after around 5 miles, common sense kicked in, pull over get the implant and get home. I feel so intelligent, finally. So rule number 1, don't change the batteries in the car if driving.

Oh forgot this wonderful event, We had storms in April and May. I'm not sure when this happen, I think the first week of May. If any bad weather approaches Clarksville, my principal makes all children and teachers come into the building. Of course I forgot my pocketbook. With a tornado warning, I just wanted to be out of the portable. I did remember my blackberry :). Both batteries died. I sat in silences for over an hour. As soon as the warning went to a watch, my assistant called the office to ask if I could go back out to the portable to get my batteries. My principal was yelling in the phone, NO WAY, she better not go out to the portable. So Final rule - Always grab batteries to carry at all time.

CI batteries, recession, and deaf moments!

2009-03-08T14:20:00.001-07:00

I ponder why have I dropped off the bloggingsphere. I wonder why. The only reason I can think of is the state of the world events. Anyone who knows me, knows two things about me: I am very emotional about anything and everything and I am a big history geek. I live for historical events: elections, news, historical facts. I spend my free time researching Presidents. I only have two more classes to get my B.S. degree in history. My lifetime goal beside being a chef is to work as a Presidential historian. Okay you get the point! The state of the world is very depressing. This recession, which by the way has been in place for at least the last 14 months, breaks my heart to watch my cherished daily news. Everyday it is another layoff, a bank failing, or stimulus. I find myself feeling the pain of others and doing what I can to also keep my family from any experience. So in the end I have to turn off the news, back away from the Internet, and pray for the leaders of the world. (Just a side fact that President Roosevelt did not solve the Great Depression in his first term in office. He was re-elected because people trusted him. The Great Depression was not completely ended until after the end of World War II, so 1929 stock market crash until 1945 the end of World War II. )

Now on to what has been happening with me.

Yesterday, Vanessa and I were at the Dollar General Market shopping, looking and just talking. The lady in front of me had the usual food items, the hot dogs, toilet paper, and can food. She also had $30.00 in her hand. I picked up her telling the cashier to stop when she got close to $30.00. The disadvantage to not being able to hear it all, I did not know if that is all the money she had or if she forgot her checkbook or money. I struggled to hear, but was not able to make it out. I was too embrassed to ask Vanessa. The only thing I will ever remember is my lack of doing anything. Since I worried if I heard it wrong, should I have asked if she needed money? Should I have volunteered to help her? One of the disadvantages of not hearing is I tend to not seek out. How do I deal differently next time?

The dancing Queen:

My wonderful daughter dances. Not just dances, but competition dances. This requires long hours at the studio. Since I live on the other side of town, if I don't go to the YMCA then I stay at dance and just wait. I have fallen on this Twilight wagon. I wanted to read the first novel quickly and of course dance is so noisy. The noise reminds me of a rock concert. Can't concentrate, can't read, no problem, just take off my magnets and enjoy the quiet. The dance teacher, Carmen, said she needs my CIs. Sorry my secret weapon against noisy times.

Batteries

I am getting ready to order my first set of Advanced Bionic batteries. I must say it has been fantastic not having to buy batteries weekly. It did remind me of growing up with hearing aids. My family was poor, real poor. My mom would not eat dinner so the children had food. I never knew what the "good" cookies or cereal tasted like until I was an adult. For some reason even if we did not have food, I always had batteries for my hearing aids. Mom said it was more important then her dinner. And you know what, that is something I will never forget! The country maybe in a recession, people losing jobs, families struggling, but let's not forget the important lesson in life, cherish your family the material items don't matter, they can't support you or hug you or even comfort you. So hug your family!

writer's block

2009-03-04T05:09:00.000-08:00

I am experiencing some block. I have a lot of ideas swimming in my head. I hope to get the sharks out and write more. I have so many ideas, CI moments and fun times going on, but mostly my life is just about less stress and more normal. See ya later.

Thin Gowns and warm hearts

2008-11-22T15:34:00.000-08:00

As I get older, I appreciate the advancement of prevented medical care. I know my body is not what it use to be, and I rely on my doctor to direct me to the latest procedure. Well 2 years ago, I had my baseline mammogram. This mammogram is used to get a good read of the breast in order to have film to compare it to later on in life. Well they found Breast Calcifications. After they were removed, I was told to have regular mammograms at 3 months, 6 months, and a year. After a year of clear mammograms, I was scheduled yearly to make sure everything is normal.

My family history is directly related to breast cancer. My mom is a stage 3 breast cancer survivor. My Aunt Barbara is also a breast cancer survivor, as well as my Great Uncle. With this family history, my sisters and I regular schedule our mammograms. There maybe nothing I can do to stop breast cancer, except self-exams, yearly test, and of course awareness. The only good news in my family is my mom tested negative for the breast cancer gene. Her sister tested positive. Oh my aunt is a fighter, nothing can keep her down, not breast cancer, not tongue cancer, not cervical cancer, not even stomach cancer. She takes that treatment and goes about her life. She is my hero.

Now my regular scheduled mammogram was on the 6th of November. The feared called came on the next Friday. I was to return to the office for more film. They found a density change. So on November 21 at 7:00 I walked into the office. I was taken back and put into that thin cold robe. After three more breast pancakes, and pancakes that should not be humanly possible, I was placed into a room to wait. Several women came in, in the same thin robe in the same cold room. Each attached in a kinship of waiting for answers. I may never remember there names , but I will always remember the stories and faces. They listened to my fear and worry. I listened to their worries. And together we helped each other through! One lady I will never forget had stage 4 breast cancer and a mastectomy. She was there for her follow up test. After 4 years, she comes in every year for a mammogram. After sitting there over an hour, she said, I wish they would just let you so you can get on with your life. There was not need to thread water. Oh I agreed, I just wanted to stop threading water and get on with it. You can't tackle a problem without answers.

Another woman had a "scare" and called back for more film. She was finally told after 1 hour, our group cheered for her, as she was given positive news. One lady had a history of cancer and has had several lumps taken out. Her view was one year at a time. You can't change it, just be in charge of the treatment. This ever following group of ladies of all race, religions, and age bonded of a test that is painful, embarrasses you, and finally can rob your body. We sat in thin gowns laughing, crying, and cheering. When I went back for my ultrasound I knew they would be there to hear my outcome. They cheered as I told them, I had to come back in 6 months but so far so good.

As I left Vanderbilt Breast Center, I will be forever in debted to these wonderful strong women and technicians who helped guide my strength through 3 of the longest hours of my life. Thank you my mammogram group, may each of you have great test returned.

Cochlear Implants and Ear Infections

2008-11-20T05:14:00.000-08:00

Well what a last few weeks! I have been battling double ear infections. After two rounds of meds, a shot and decongrestion, my doctor has announced the ear infections are gone!!!!

This is the latest round of ear infections for me. Since bilateral cochlear implant surgery July 9, 2008, I have had at least 5 ear infections. I don't remember ever having as many ear infections before. So I am wondering if ear infections are common side effects of having cochlear implants? What are the reasons behind ear infections in relations to not having usable hearing in the ears. Why have I had an inability to feel the increase in fluid and pain? And finally what can I do to keep from this infection occurring. Now that I have formed my questions, I need to start googling.

If any of you know any information, please pass it on. I learn so much from all of you.

How do you feel about being deaf?

2008-10-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

How do you feel about being deaf?

I read that question just this week, of course it made my mind turn and think. The only answer I could come up with is this, while I accept my deafness, it doesn't mean I like it. It does not mean I haven't tried all available technology, so I can have access to sound. It doesn't define me. It just is.

So how do you feel about being deaf? Do you accept it, dislike it, neutral, or love it?

La, La, la.....Music to my ears!

2008-10-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest joys of using cochlear implants is music. For 20 years I lost my love for music. It became loud boring noise. Over the past year, I have gone through two ipods, a classic and an Itouch. I am in love with my itouch. I watch videos(wish they were captioned), watch the podcast, keep time at the Y, and listen to my 88 sounds. Oh, I can't wait to get my new itune card to download more sounds. Here is my top 5 of the last few months. I also welcome any suggestions to new songs.

I pick songs that speak to me, for example, bring up a past memory or have a beat that catches my attention.

5. Heaven by Bryan Adams

Lyrics of the song

the YouTube videos were removed, so sorry. There is nothing like the video. Bryan Adams.....where is he? I miss his music.

4. Last Dance by Donna Summers

YouTube Video of the song lyrics of the song

Jenna's dance company used this song for their ending number at their recital in May. I could not get the song out of my mind. It has a kicking beat...long live disco.

3. In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins

YouTube Video of the song Lyrics of the song

I remember this video from the tv show "Miami Vice." I challenge you to watch the youtube and figure out what comes at the end of each line. It too me awhile to get the two words. That drum beat in the middle just gets me each time. I act it out on my stearing wheel everytime.

2. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

YouTube Video of the song Lyrics of the song

In the video, she is easy to read her lips. I love any song that just makes my heart fall in love.

1. Viva la Vida by Coldplay

YouTube Video of the song Lyrics of the song

My new favorite. Some song, it has it all. The beat the words and the music..... A group at Jenna's dance is using this song for dance competition. I heard the beginning and just had to have it. The lyrics are interesting. I still have a hard time getting all the words. Just the beginning sells me.

Music is a joy. I can't get over the differences between hearing aids and cochlear implants with music. When I was listening to music growing up, I always felt as if I was missing something. It turns out I was, the different pitches and the high tones. Music never sounded so good.

***I want to say happy birthday to my first high school boyfriend, John. John just had his birthday on Saturday. True friendships know no communication barriers or distance barriers. He has been my greatest friend since I was in 7th grade(I'm old). I want him to know how important his friendship over the years has been and how much I cherish it. **smack, your birthday kiss****

A Year In Review - Just the Facts

2008-10-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am reflecting on the past year, I can't help but think how much my life has changed. I am not talking about just the cochlear implants or the blog or the new work assignment or even the new house. When I look into the mirror I see a different person. Not the same old Valerie, not even the new Valerie. I see a person full of something that I have never had before - self-confidence. Yup that old self-esteem and self-worth that my parents worked so hard to develop, but always lacked. How did it magically appear! Bam....bam...here it is. No not that way, it showed up August 8, 2007 with a simple push of the button, live from Nashville...Vanderbilt Medical Center, here is Valerie.......The activation gave an opportunity to finally say "I'm deaf" and you know what I'm okay with it. I accept me. I accept this wonderful device that allows access to sound. I accept its limits as well as it opportunities.

One of the wonderful bloggers, David, at Five String Guitar, had his third Cochlear implant surgery. The doctors wanted to go in and replace his CI. I send all my prayers and smiles his way. He is a fantastic inspiration to all. He is so blessed. May this one be the magic charm and give him the opportunity to be bilateral.

I have been so far behind in my blog reading. I want to redesign my blog and include all my favorites. There are too many to list. I also want to post more often. I have so much to say. So I need to snap out of this pre-fall mood and get with it. Life is too short to sit around and do nothing. There is a whole world to explore. I'm on my way........

I can't believe it moment!

2008-09-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I posted. Wow too long! I haven't had writer's block or thinking block, just teaching. This year my teaching world has been turned upside down. As I was standing in front of my classroom. The one in a white portable trailer finally with running water and bathroom in front of a group of children that the educational system has given up on. The ones who can't "read, write, or learn." The group that falls into the 1% and 2% of the educational population, that we pass through from grade to grade hoping and wishing they will "pass the test." As I stand before them, I don't see failure. I see happy face writing bat for the first time. I see pigtails writing her first sentence with no grammar errors and she is in 4th grade. I see Ms. Give up identify the /l/ sound and that /a/(short) is not /i/(short). I see success.

BUT HOLD ON- There teacher, me, is a deaf individual teaching phonic to them. Not just sounds, words, I mean speech phonics. Then I say Oh my goodness....how did it happen. Who has the faith in me.

In the spring, I lobbied to teach a fantastic program called Language! by SoprisWest. Language! is a program that assist the children to develop into independent academic readers. It builds the foundation from the bottom. I lobbied for this program. I camped out in the office for this a chance to teach this. I begged, I did everything to be able to teach this. Why?? One reason, many years ago my 2nd grade teacher didn't give up on me, and my goodness I will not give up on these students. I want to be the one teacher that said I believe in you. I will teach you how. I will show you how. I will support you. This program is why I teach. And now they are learning. I see smiles and effort and most importantly self-esteem. Can one program do this? No, this isn't like any program I have ever taught. It's real. It works. Look another day, and I can't wait to go teach my students. I thank my principal for see me instead of my deafness. She hired me 15 years ago even after I interviewed at 7 other schools. She saw me not my deafness. She supported my CIs and is always right there to lend a hand. This person is giving me the opportunity to live this dream. A dream to teach and a dream to change the direction and life of a child. Got to go.

The deaf fairy tale

2008-08-30T04:28:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time....no, no wait, I must change that beginning....okay, Once on a sunny beautiful day a baby was born, oh how the parents loved her. They sang to her and talked to her. They dressed her and did all the wonderful parental things for her. She grew and grew until a deadly disease almost claimed her life. Then the little gal couldn't hear the wonderful mother and father. The mother asked the royal doctors for help and they bashed the baby away. The mother refused the have her baby bashed away and decided to set out on a lifetime journey to educate and help the baby grow up...........now a long time after the baby grow up until she was a beautiful Princess.....STOP.....not a beautiful princess......okay changing words again.........Well all gals are princesses, but this one was different, she wore wonderful things on her ears that squeaked when she smiles and laughed.....okay I know let's call her the Princess with ears that squeaky, or Squeaky for short....okay now back to the story..........So now the Princess with ears that squeak when to the Royal ball and met a wonderful Prince Charming.....STOP...first it was not a ball and there is no Prince Charming, Okay, Okay, it was the 80's and she did go to the Zoo, the club, okay now let's settle this Prince Charming stuff, first no guy is a Prince and well he was charming, okay I'll just call him Mr. Charming.....now back to the story......Squeaky went out with her royal friends to the Zoo and met Mr. Charming. Since he did not hear the squeaking he loved her smile and laugh. They fell madly in love and set out in the world to make it a better place. Every time the Princess who squeaked smiled or laughed she squeaked and Mr. Charming just smiled and laughed with her. Many many years later Squeaky and Mr. Charming welcomed a beautiful baby gal into their life. When she was born she cried and screamed. Squeaky couldn't hear anything and instead of smiling and laughing she cried. Squeaky loved that baby with all her heart, but now instead of squeaking she cried more and more and lost her love of words and music. Mr. Charming tried his best to bring her back to the love of words. He tried to find new eary things and more royal doctors. In the end squeaky just faked a smile and loved her baby and Mr. Charming. Then many years after she gave up on hearing the wonderful baby Princess's voice and laugh, she hear from a royal doctor about new ears and the hope of hearing the baby, the Princess with ears that squeak embarked on a journey to get those ears those magical ears. She traveled far and wide, over the mountains and through the valleys. She talked to many royal doctors and many royal helpers and finally got her new ears. When they turned on her new ears she heard the baby Princess and Mr. Charming and tears ran down there faces. Then Squeaky didn't squeak as the tears were replaced with smiles and laughs. The baby princess climbed into Squeaky's lap and told Squeaky that she loved the inside of the heart and now they will find the peace Squeaky wants. Mr. Charming said I might not be charming all the time, but will always love the Princess who squeaks smiles and laughs. The royal mother and father cried as the mother realized her journey to help her daughter has been filled. The Princess' sisters cried and laughed and hugged Squeaky. As Squeaky got us to her new ears the world opened up for her and she enjoyed each day. The family lived happily ever after...STOP, just STOP......if they lived happily ever after then the life was just so boring. who wants to stop living and be happy all the time. Life is boring then, Okay, Okay the new ending. The Princess with ears that don't squeak, Mr. not always Charming, and the baby Princess lived each day with music, laughter, tears, dances, and most of all life.

***When you drive six plus hours, my mind gets stories going. I wanted to write this one before I forgot it. I have a good on dysfunctional and special education. And Abbie what was the other idea I had.....I hope you remember...******

I'm thankful for.....

2008-08-26T03:11:00.000-07:00

With my dad at home on hospice care, I am so thankful for my cochlear implants.

Why........I can use the phone to talk to mom or my sisters two, three or more times daily. I can tell through the sound of mom's voice how she is feeling. That is a blessing to really hear her! (I spent my life without the phone, each day I feel more and more comfortable on it.) I heard tears yesterday. I'm going home Friday for the long weekend to hug my dad and say goodbye. I'm sure he is waiting to say goodbye to Jenna and myself. He needs to find his peace.

My dad passed away at 3:53 P.M. August 26, 2008. May he watch over us from heaven. I love you dad.

Turn on the lights!

2008-08-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

Many moments happen throughout time without giving it a second thought! This time I stopped and realized how grateful I am. Late one evening after a long stressful day back at work, after dinner and just sitting in bed watching the Olympics read the caption without my bilateral cochlear implants. Get the picture! Me in PJs deaf! My husband wanted to ask a question or make a comment, doesn't really matter. The room just glows from the television. We must have had this moment a million times over 20 years together. Times of frustrations and times of lack of communications. What does he do, instead of just stopping and not talking to me or just texting me, he does something so simple and so routine - he turns on the light and talks to me where I can read his lips! Simple and I was able to understand him.

Then my mind pondered, What makes type of partner or parent or even child can accept hearing loss? I came up with one easy answer. A person who sees deep down in your heart and sees the real you! They don't care about turning on a light or translating for you or even removing you from frustration. They learn a new language just to communicate with you. They fight for an appropriate ASL translator, so you know your important enough to have the best. They practice sounds and create time just to help understanding with sounds. They sit in on meetings IEP or others just make sure the best education is available. In short it comes up to two words - LOVE and ACCEPTING. I am thankful for all the times Alex just turns on the light!

One Year, Tears, and a Belly Laugh!

2008-08-07T17:45:00.000-07:00

Taken July 20, 2008, Look how yellow.

One short year ago, I was unable to carry on a conversation without the what....haaa..repeat...go write it down, with my family members. I lost interest in the important "stuff" in life. I sat and just watched TV with caption and forgot to live. Yes, I know, there is no reason why! I just felt helpless. I had been battling my insurance for a year for approval for surgery. After this long frustrating time, I came to a point, either cochlear implants surgery - one, two, or both by summer, or I will have to give up teaching! (Thank you Let Them Hear)

Fast forward a year.......Approval June 3th, Surgery July 19th, and Activation August 8th....

A year!!! wow a year! What a year! I can't believe it has been a year....Does it get any better than this.

So I went to my one year activation anniversary. Got to get the CIs tuned up. Boy, they needed it. 6 months is too long for me to go without a tune up. My dear friend, Vanessa noticed that I have been losing sound discrimination over the last few weeks. Thank goodness for a friend like her, I don't know what I would do without the patient and understanding. All people should have at least one person like Vanessa. Okay, I'll save it for another day....I'll get a picture of her too! Well I went to Vandy to get these fantastic hanging tools of dynamic sounds adjusted. I feel so much better.

BEST NEWS - I got my dream program....the one that filters out squeaky sneakers. My audie adjusted something to -3 and adjusted the high frequency down. So bring on those squeaky sneakers...I'm ready!!!!!

Tears - My dad has been moved to Emory in Atlanta. He is having every test to find the reason behind the jaundice. Mom is right by his side and staying at the hospital. So far no worst and no better. I am so blessed to have parents like them. The love they have shines though the cloud of yellow. I hope I am blessed with a caretaker as strong, compassed, and loving like my mom.

Belly Laugh - I need a good laugh. It's back to school time for us, tomorrow the big day. As an educator, I am going in circles. I can't get anything done. Nothing!!!! I want that laugh..so the other night my loving family decided to watch "I survived a Japanese Gameshow." Oh, my we laughed all evening. Those people are insane. Jenna's laugh infected the whole room. She starts we can't stop. So finally, the tears are replaced with laughter. I also remembered, Dad is in a safe place being taken care of and he won't want tears, but laughter. See Dad knows what is important in life - a good steak, grandchildren, a hug, grandchildren, his girls, and most importantly love...so Dad, I love you and in my heart I remember the real you!!! Get well.

What If??

2008-07-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

As I am pondering life's meaning, I wondered what if!!!

What if there were newborn hearing test in 1968 like today?

Maybe the doctors would have spotted my hearing loss and been fitted with hearing aids earlier.

What if the doctor treated my strep throat and it did not develop into rheumatic fever?

Maybe my hearing loss would not have gotten worst and my body wouldn't have the effects of rheumatic fever 30+ years later.

What if I were one of the 1 out of 4 children serviced under IDEA of 1974?

What if my mom's hunt for appropriate education for me was met with understanding teachers and administrations?

Maybe I would not have sat in the last row, last seat. Maybe when my 3rd grade teacher was teaching reading, I wasn't just educating myself. Maybe when all others were learning how to pronounce ed-u-ca-tion, I was just trying to read their lips. Maybe I would have gotten the foundation instead of cracks! Maybe I would have learned ASL or Cued Speech or SEE or AVT.

What if I had good medical insurance coverage growing up?

Then maybe I would have been able to get the hearing aids I needed instead of lying to my mom. Telling her I hear okay, because as a single mom raising 3 girls other expenses came first. Maybe should won't have had to work 2 jobs and save 3 years to buy my first hearing aids.

WHAT IF????

What if technology of today was available to my parents back in 1968?

Maybe I could have bypassed all this with a cochlear implant. Maybe if my parents had the access to cochlear implants and AVT training, I would have bypassed some of the events in my life that added shame, even today. What if????

Update - My dad is back into the hospital. He went into a diabetic coma and his heart stopped. They revived him and he is in ICU. He is still jaundice and his liver is failing. But dad is strong and if anyone can overcome it is my Vietnam Veteran loves his grand babies.

Happy One Year Anniversary to My CIs!

2008-07-20T14:41:00.000-07:00

This is a quick posting, I am down in the deep south visiting my parents. My dad(Poppi) has been in the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks. They sent him home on Friday, but he is so jaundice and his live is failing that his toes are yellow. As I watch my biggest supporter slip away, I am reminded that it has been one year since I had bilateral cochlear implants.

As I watch my dad become the shadow of himself, he reminds me to enjoy my life. He came into my life at the age of 18. No one has ever loved my mother the way he has. There love is a real love story. So thank you dad for showing that the best dads are not always the first ones. Most importantly thank you dad for accepting my deafness and me without question. Love you Poppi get well.

Now onto the cochlear implants, it has gone beyond my expectations. Thank you Dr. Ladabie, Susan, Vanderbilt, and Advanced Bionics for this overwhelming second half of my life. I really feel so complete. I get to hear my daughter talk and keep doing my wonderful career. I wish I would have done it 20 years ago. With tears in my eyes, as I think of the past year, a rebirth.

As I watch one life slip away, it is important to make each day count. Tell your family and friends you love them, show them, make those changes, it can be too late. Do let life slip past without living it.

10 blogs I missed when offline

2008-07-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

What a crazy move! We finally find our dream house, the one you spend your life wishing for. AND it takes 10 days to get cable and Internet!!!! Our family is tech crazy. We have our cable, wireless router, itouch and use the Internet day and night. We dream in 0 and 1's. I mean what is left.....we talked. Surprising it was wonderful, we unpacked, played music too loud(no neighbors), talked and giggled. Well finally back online!!

I missed so much when being off line. Thank goodness Abbie kept me informed. There are ten sites I can't live without!

10. The first site I visit everyday is the comic For Better or Worse. I live for Elizabeth the teacher, Mike the writer, and April the teenager. I get my daily dose without having to get the newspaper.

9. I am a news junkie. I want to know the latest up to the minute news and weather. My favorite is CNN and Wkrn weather for Nashville weather. I carry an umbrella in my pocketbook in case of rain. I do try to check out the site to plan my day!

8. I went crazy without my e-mail. Oh my goodness, I can't believe how my mail I missed. Since we changed our provider I have to try and save my old e-mail as well. I can't live without my e-mail.

7. Lately blogs have been my life. I love to read the magical words of others. I find it peaceful to know others with cochlear implants and deafness have the same experiences I do. It is a kinship. Our community that accepts us because we are who we are - CI, hard of hearing, deaf, Deaf, ASL, oral, parents, child and just us. My site I use to keep inform of all my favorite blogs is DeafVillage.

6. I admit it, I love gossip. I love celebrity gossip more! Give me my Perez Hilton and TMZ! It took hours to read 10 days of gossip. I am finally up on the birth, DUI arrest, and who is dating who. I'm a junkie, I know. Did you know Madonna is getting divorce???

5. To know me is to understand from August to January(allstars in February) I am a football junkie. I watch NFL network, I know all the players on Tennessee Titan. I can quote stats. I really understand the game! I live for football!!! Tennessee is my team!! Keith Bullock is my player. Love defensive lineman!!! I also keep up on Foxsports, NBCsports, CBSsportline, and NFL online. I am one serious fan!

4. My CIs have brought me to a place I never knew was around. I am finding all kinds of places to learn and explore. I love to read(can't comment since I have explorer and have to download firefox), hearing journey. It is a wonderful place for shared experiences. This site does not pass judgement, but allows for experiences and questions.

3. There are several blogs that I just can't live without. I need my daily dose of humor, laughs, and tears. David at Living in Cone Silence and Abbie at Bionic Women. I also love my Tennessee gals, Laurie at Dance with Sound and Jennifer at Surround Sound. Us Tennessee gals stick together. Also need some Italian spicy views with Jodi at American Mom.

2. I like to visit information blogs as well. I check in on Let Them Hear Foundation. They provide such a valuable resource. Hearing Exchange is amazing for ideas and information. The more you look the more you find.

1. My number 1 favorite site that I had to do without for 10 long whole days is yahoo messenger. Oh, my what a long wait to chat with my buddies. I need to add to my buddy list.

So now that I am online.......I need hours no make it days to catch up!!!! See you later.....

I am going crazy!

2008-07-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

Been a long time, wow how time goes so quickly. I am going crazy! Quick break down - vacation, no Internet, no closed caption, moved to new home, no Internet until the 7th of July, no cable until the 9th of July, I do have closed caption, but no food network! So say a nice prayer that I don't have a breakdown!!!!!

Jenna said hello everyone. She placed 3rd and 1st at nationals for her dance!!

My wow CI moment! We were unloading the van and my hubby handed my two boxes of CI harmony boxes. He said that my CIs were more important than anything, even the house. He really appreciates what it has given me. I am so excited that he appreciates how special they are to me.

Laurie, I can't wait to post our pictures. love ya. It was the highlight of my vacation finally meeting you. Jen, I also have our pictures. Love ya too. Abbie your next!

10 Wonderful Summer Activities

2008-06-23T06:09:00.000-07:00

Each summer I pull my hair out to find something fun, cheap, and enjoyable to do with Jenna. With gas prices so high, we are trying to find activities to do close to home. Here is a great list.

10. Take a picnic to the neighborhood, get water guns and get wet!

9. Our local library has a wonderful summer program. They can go twice a week for crafts and reading fun. Then on Thursday night is PJ reading night. An hour long activity to bring the day to the end. Check your local library to see if they have a great program.

8. Our local museum has "Free Sunday." We can go Sunday and tour the museum for free. It is a great way to practice sounds and names. Jenna and I play "I Spy" and the day just flies by. Many museum will have a day of free or reduced cost, it is a great way to spend a day.

7. Great Escape movies has a free daytime movie three days a week. The movies are not current, but oh so much fun to watch. We buy a small popcorn and drink and enjoy the booming sound. Ours runs until August and the movie changes weekly.

6. My favorite activity is to window shop. Since I am the CI user, Jenna or Alex will stop me and say I hear a bell, can you tell me the location? It is a great place to work on visual communications as well as auditory communications. I use it to see if I can focus on a conversation and tune out the background noise. Who knows you might get a good deal on a pair of shoes!

5. Read! We pick up handfuls of books from the library and create a tent in the living room and read for the day. I can't spend too much time outside because of my lupus, so we just create our camping indoors. Make some hot dogs and sing songs. Jenna will dance the day away.

4. Visit a local river or steam. We cover ourselves in sunscreen and hats and make a trip of it. It builds communications and environmental noises. I'm happy unless I see a snake.

3. Join the YMCA! Our Y is income base, so if you take your tax forms, the cost is adjusted on income. Jenna goes to her hang time and rock climbing and I work out. Then we go into the pool for a nice swim. A great indoor pool which means I don't have to worry about getting sick from the sun. The Y is a great investment. I'm hoping the walking, machines and bike will pay off soon.

2. A playland - we will eat lunch at home and then go to McDonalds or ChickFila for ice cream and a few hours of playland. I invite several of her friends and we make an afternoon of it.

1. My daily and favorite activity to do year round. Hug and kiss my daughter. We just spend time each day talking and giggling. I always find time to just watch her favorite show with her and we might do nails or hair. You can't go wrong with just spending time with your children.

Sure there are great and costly things to do, but you know what children remember, the time you spend with them. My favorite memory is when we plugged in the 8 track tape and sang as we cleaned up the kitchen with mom. We laughed, danced, and giggled! My favorite dad memory is going to eat at IHOP and how he always had to eat 3/4 of my meal. Just time! Talk to your children not at them. Excuse me as I go pick up my gal from her "tiger girl" sleepover and tickle a little gal! Enjoy!

Here is my x-ray!

2008-06-20T18:46:00.001-07:00

It is still in! Went to a general surgeon today and he is sending me to Nashville. At least I am not crazy and yes it is really in. You can see it in all four x-rays.

So to quote one of my favorite books - It is has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!!

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Valerie, You have a foreign body in your foot!

2008-06-19T03:51:00.001-07:00

Well, the continuing drama of my left foot! I was told to call the doctor back yesterday to discuss my x-rays. I went to the Internet to my friendly neighborhood att.com/relay and called my doctor.

Val: I'm calling to check my x-rays!

Nurse: You have a foreign body in your foot!

Val: WTF, what do you mean?

Nurse: It is about 2 inches long and you need to go to the ER and have it removed.

Val: Is this like a wood? How did this happen?

Nurse: It is metal and about 2 inches, it is showing it could have been there a long time. Did you ever hurt yourself?

Val: I'm sure I have, but wouldn't I know if I had a piece of metal in my foot?

Nurse: Just go to the ER and have it removed, go today.

Val: How is my foot???

Nurse: Oh, you might have a hairline break, but ER can tell you!

Oh my goodness, I freak out and text Alex to get off work and come home. Alex can be strange. This is what I get from him.

Alex: Did you ask if it is an alien probe?

Val: What???

Alex: You know like X-Files.

Val: This is not X-Files it is my foot, and for I know you most likely put it in there.

Alex: No the aliens did!

So I heard all about aliens the whole trip to the ER.

So between the driving and visit, I am on the phone texting Abbie, Jennifer, Billie, and Vanessa. Each try to get my focus back on task. The foreign body in the foot. Of course I am upset.

One thing I did find out is when stressed, I don't hear well. My hearing is gone....not there...forgotten. So after waiting for an hour with screaming babies, Jenna telling me the aliens did not take her mom, and Alex driving me bananas; I get called back!

So alone in the room, peace and quiet- wrong. Little beeps, loud beeps, running, screaming, yelling, crying, and of course the bring the chart noise. So I focused at the task at hand, I called mom....

Val: Mom, did you put a foreign body in my foot?

Mom: No, but who knows with you. Did you see the x-rays?

Val: Alex said it is an alien probe. What do you think?

Mom: Val, you need to focus, first I told you a long time ago Alex is an alien. But wait for the doctor. Call me later.

Val: (hung up) Wait, I'm alone in the room...

Finally the doctor comes in. He explains there is metal in my foot and most likely a needle. It is not in the place I thought it was. It is on the side of the foot. He states unless it causes pain, he suggest leaving it in. WTF, I want this metal out, OUT of my foot. He thinks it could have been in there for up to 20 years and no it is not an alien probe. And oh yes, you have a hairline break in the top of your foot so a soft boot for 2 weeks. He asked if I was in pain from a scale of 1 to 10. I said a about a 3. Are you sure? I looked at him and said, I had bilateral cochlear implant surgery, I know what a ten is. So after a tetanus shot. Got up and walked out boot and all.

So as I leave the noisy ER and wonder, how am I going to get this foreign body out of my foot?

The Attack of A1

2008-06-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

What a week!!!! It has been one of those weeks that I want to take off my cochlear implants and sleep the days away!

I am recovering from the giant A1 steak sauce bottle. It jumped out of the refrigerator and landed right on the top of my left foot. Not the land on the side, no full force on the top of my foot. Needless to say I had x-rays today and loads of pain pills. I find out tomorrow if I broke anything. On the pain scale it is about a 5, CI surgery was a big ole 10. It did keep me out to the YMCA today.

Guess what, that A1 bottle did not even break.....Abbie, are you sending your omen to me! I need Good Karma...Good Karma......

I did have a great CI moment, That bottle landed with a BAM....After a bunch of &^%) and #@!& and of course the &^%$, I stopped and said wow I heard that.

So people send your good karma to me, I need it - up next moving to a new home and taking Jenna to the mountains, hope Smokey the Bear is sleeping..

What have Cochlear Implants given me?

2008-06-08T14:24:00.000-07:00

You would think the first thing cochlear implants have give me is hearing! Right!

Wrong, dead wrong.

It has given me something greater,

Self-Esteem and being independent

All my life I have felt a dependence to others, to hear, to alert, to protect, and of course to be there. Now I feel I can do this myself.

I have adventured to the world wide web. I created this blog and made great friends in this world. Most importantly I accepted my deafness. I don't feel that loneliness of being the only deaf person in my family. I found that kinship with others. The wordless moments of understanding. I found the clues and the hints on how to be independent. No longer are my cochlear implants about sound. They are about becoming ME. I no longer take those looks from others when I ask them to repeat. I don't allow others to limit me! I asked for a new reading program in our school and volunteered to teach it. My supervisor asked, can I do it, since it requires more phonics. I turned to him and said, I have an audiological report that says I can. If you give me this assignment, I will do my best and those students will get a caring teacher.(side note these students can't read, this program teaches them, really teaches them). I'm going to class on Tuesday for inservices.

I walk with a spring in my step. I care about things I forgot were important, music, dancing, movies, and conversation. I own technology that I never in my life thought I could use - an Itouch. I download songs all the time and enjoy it so much now.

Now if I can attack this Discord lupus and Sjogren's Syndrome that has invaded my system. But don't underestimate me, I'm a fighter.

I downloaded four songs this morning. Check these out on youtube:

The Morning After by Maureen McGovern

Baby Come Back by Player

Brandy(You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass

and

Summer Breeze by Seals and Crofts

If you click the name it should take you to the youtube video. Enjoy

Come visit deafvillage.com

Dear DeafRead Editors:

2008-06-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

Dear DeafRead Human Editors, JJ, Elizabeth, Amy, Carrie, Jared, and Tayler,

I am in discord. I'm frustrated and disappointed with this turn of events. As a deaf person, you have violated my trust and my respect. JJ left a comment on Ben's blog. I have not heard anything from any other of the Human Editors. Here is my comment from Ben's site:

"What is interesting is most of us CI bloggers don’t agree either. We have different opinions on CI, AVT, ASL and all, but we seem to be united in our support for Rachel.
At least you have this inside view from your friendship. That is great! I don’t have that. I have to go by what is posted.
Is this a plot to remove CI blogs from DeafRead? Since DeafSide has not happen. I don’t know. All I know is that it validates how my family and I were treated 37 years ago when my mom reached out to the Deaf Community and was turned away. Same views different times."

I am asking each of you your answer to my comment. Thank you, Valerie

Civilization is a method of living and an attitude of equal respect for all people
Jane Addams, first woman Nobel Peace Prize Winner 1931

Mom was right! I'm not deaf enough!

2008-06-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

This afternoon what a shock when I was doing my pre-dinner blogging, that Cochlear Implant Online http://cochlearimplantonline.com/blog/?p=195 has been removed from DeafRead site. I decided to read CI Online and other bloggers. I'm flabbergasted since when is volunteering with an organization a commerical site.

We can sugar coat it anyway you want, plain and simple, Rachel's views are viewed as not d/Deaf enough.

What this is, is censorship. Instead of DeafRead being a resource for all hard of hearing, deaf, and Deaf persons; it is now a place that limits ideas and information. Where else did I find out about how important unity is? Where else did I learn that you should fingerspell parsley and other spices? Where else did I learn how outspoken and interesting Jodi is? Where else can I go to find out what happens on Hell's Kitchen? Or even lessons in transplants and implants? It is more than just a site to me, it is a place to learn more about my life.

To remove Rachel's site is just wrong. Don't sugar coat it! We are intelligent enough to read between the lines.

Mom was right,

To others I will never be d/Deaf enough

Guess others aren't either!

Civilization is a method of living and an attitude of equal respect for all people

Jane Addams, first woman Nobel Peace Prize Winner 1931

So DeafRead reflect and review your decision. DeafRead should be a site that encourages all parts of d/Deaf Life.

"Suppose you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
-Mary Pickford

Good Luck Rachel, Elizabeth, and Cochlear Implant Online. Your site is bookmarked.

This is why!

2008-05-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

A and B Honor Roll

Dance Recital 2008, Jenna is so tired only 2 more days to go!

A smile is worth a thousand words. Wonder what the words are???

Love you Jenna - Dance your heart out and remember only 3 dances next year. 5 dances is too much for me!

Big D, Little d

2008-05-21T03:09:00.001-07:00

When my mom was begging for guidance, she was told

she is not d/Deaf enough

When I started wearing hearing aids and looking for my place in the world as a child

I was not d/Deaf enough

As my hearing dripped to nothing, and I wanted to go to college.

I was not d/Deaf enough

As I found my place as teacher even though I struggled to find a job because I was deaf.

I still was not d/Deaf enough

As my students, parents, and staff accepted me as a teacher. To the outside world.

I was not d/Deaf enough.

As I make the choice for cochlear implants and embraced my journey into this world.

I was not d/Deaf enough.

As I support the ASL/CI and oral deaf community and families rights to make a choice for their child.

I was not d/Deaf enough.

As I put my blog on DeafRead, it is censored because I wear cochlear implants.

I am still not d/Deaf enough.

As I wake up from my peaceful sleep, I ponder why am I not d/Deaf enough for some. Then it hits me..........

Big D, little d...we all begin with d/D....

I am me, I am d/Deaf.

I am d/Deaf enough for ME.

Don't let others pass judgement on you. Accept, embrace, and make a differences for future d/Deaf children. Practice diversity and inclusion.

IEP - It is all about crossing t's and doting i's

2008-05-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

IEP...LEA...LRE.....Inclusion....Mainstream...Deficit.....Assessment

There are so many educational jargon that is used in development of an IEP it leaves others speechless or signless. The process involved in development and assessment for an IEP is a process and the document is developed yearly. There are several documents involve in identification of special education services. I want to discuss the Individualized Education Program. It is a 5 page annual document that list the programs, goals, present level, and accommodations for the student. Here is a site that shows Kentucky's IEP: http://web.utk.edu/~sbenner/IEP_Tutorial/parts.html Here is a site that list ideas for deaf and hard of hearing IEP's: http://www.ibwebs.com/iepindex.htm

An IEP has several parts and data used to create it. The process that special educators go through in creating its development, mostly focus on data to show progress and modifications. This site gives the break down of the parts of the IEP: http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.aspx?r=73

Each state uses programs for set up of IEPs. Even within a state, county schools might use different programs. My county uses SEAS( http://www.computerautomation.com/) and many others within the state use a program called Easy IEP. Each assist in creating IEPs and maintaining records and data progress monitoring. It depends on what the school system has approved for instruction. All school districts follow federal guildlines in identification of students disabilities and types of services that can be used. Just because a parent feels the service is valid, the school can say the service is not available and provide an alternative program or say the service is not needed. I can not list programs because each school. district, county, state, or residental school is different. As in each IEP is unique. At the school ask, what type of accommodations do you usually have based on this disability. If you don't ask, then you will not know if a service is available. Also some services or accommodations are not available at every grade level or school. Just believe your friend has this accommodations does not mean it is needed for your child.

Since I work in Tennessee, that is what I have knowledge of. Tennessee has a 35 page parent's rights that is given at meetings. Here is the link: http://www.state.tn.us/education/speced/doc/spedrights.pdf In order to find your state rights, just google (the state) department of education. Then find special education and most of the time it is on that page. I stress this at meetings for parents to read this document and highlight anything that is important. Also keep all paperwork in a folder or envelope and together. If you don't get a folder at the meeting, ask for one. I always try to put my IEPs in a folder for parents. That way if you have any question, go back the document and rights, and review it.

The IEP is a working document and not valid until it is signed by the parent. Each IEP is only good for 365 days. When parents come to the meetings, they should not be worried about changing the document. If you feel something is not to benefit your child, ask why and what else. Also if you feel the document is not workable, do not sign, schedule another meeting. Remember you are the parent and you should question the document as well as any education program set up for your child. Also ask yourself, is the accommodation realiable for the child's academic success? Is it valid for success in the classroom? Is the accommodations needed for the child to be the LRE or should the child go to a more restricted envirnment? Another suggestion, write any question out on paper, the meetings go quickly and you will forget most. Remember this is your child and his document.

(from http://www.state.tn.us/education/speced/doc/spedrights.pdf)
What is an individualized education program?
An individualized education program (IEP) is a written plan for a child with a disability that is
developed and implemented according to federal and state regulations. This plan includes:
• a description of your child’s strengths and needs (present levels of performance);
• a statement of measurable annual goals and instructional objectives related to meeting
your child’s needs;
• a statement of the special education and related services and supplementary aids and
services to be provided to your child, or on behalf of your child.
• a statement of how your child will be educated and participate with other children with
and without disabilities.
• a statement of how your child will be involved and progress in the extracurricular and
other non-academic activities in the general curriculum.
• the explanation of the extent, if any, to which your child will not participate with nondisabled
children in school activities;
• a statement of any individual modifications your child may need to participate in state
mandated assessments.
• if the IEP team determines that your child will not participate in a particular assessment,
the IEP must include a statement of why the assessment is not appropriate and how your
child will be assessed;
• the projected date for the beginning of the services and modifications described in the
IEP and the anticipated frequency, location and duration of those services and
modifications;
• transition statements;
• a statement of how your child’s progress will be measured and how you will be regularly
informed.
NOTE: At least one year before your child turns eighteen, the school district is required to give
you a statement that your child’s legal rights will transfer to them at age 18. Your
child will then be allowed to make educational decisions for him/herself, unless you
have a court order from a judge declaring your child incompetent to act on his/her
behalf.

In the next post I am going to break down each part of the IEP. I hope for those of you who have children with IEP you are aware of your rights. For parents who have meetings coming up, I hope this helps in the "what am I looking at?" situation. I believe every educator wants children to be successful in the classroom. We want children to have everything they need to gain knowledge, but in reality an IEP is just one tool, not the whole toolbox.

An IEP is not a magical document that "cures" anything. No window is going to open and all the knowledge your child needs, be placed out infront of them. It is a document that allows parents, teachers, and students to monitor progress and assist the student to be successful in the LRE(least restrictive enviroment). I real key to quality education is a "big secret!" I'm going to let you in on it - it takes caring teachers, determined parents, supported community, creative adminstrators, and finally the will of the child.

My Life In Six Words

2008-05-18T15:18:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Abbie for a "My Life in Six Words" meme.

What is a meme? A meme is basically in two ways:1. Meme--pronounced 'mem', a memory2. Meme--rhymes with 'theme', a theme where I am tagged to answer questions about 'me' or myself...

Here's my 6 words:

Not the way I planned it!

Hot tea, warm hearts enjoy life.

I am going to say if you want to tag yourself, I would love to see it.

Oh, this comes from Smith Magazine: http://www.smithmag.net/sixwords/

Auditory Therapy

2008-05-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

It is has been awhile since I wrote about my second awaken - MUSIC.

My wonderful Valentine's gift was an Itouch. I proceeded to load it with all types of music, from 60's, rock, country, and everything in between. I take it everywhere, I mean everywhere and listen in every spare minute. I guess 20 years of losing the joy of beats, harmonies, and singing has taken a toll on me.

I have also come up with my favorite excuses - I am practicing auditory therapy. So when I am blasting my itouch down the hallway at school, before students come, jamming to "Jesus and Gravity." It is therapy. In my small portable, as three other teachers are working and "The Rose" is beaming out, it is therapy. Of course I get a few, can you change the song, but other wise it is great music. At the YMCA, dance, Walmarts, Krogers, Gas Station, and of course the car.

I pick music I have auditory memory of, it helps to understand the songs. I am finally at the point that I am downloading some new music and open to any suggestions. I use music to keep my cochlear implants active. I use steps to actively teach myself new music and sounds.

* I pull up the lyrics online and listen to the song and read the lyrics.

* I practice singing the song with the lyrics, around 10 times a night until I comfortable with the song.

* I do not listen to the song for between 2-5 days.

* Then I listen to the song without visual cues(lyrics), I try to listen and recall the lyrics. Of course I sing along, very loud.

* If I feel comfortable with the song, I add it to my play list and listen to it in rotation.

I have fallen in love with a few songs. I mean head over heel love with some songs that I can't stop listening too.

"Jesus and Gravity" by Dolly Parton

Just listen it is awesome. The words are so beautiful.

"Where is the love" by Donny Hataway and Roberta Flack

Just soulful and I can't stop listening too.

"The Search is Over" by Survivor

Makes me think of love. It reminds me of what Alex and I have been through. LOVE IT

With lyrics like the search is over, love was right before my eyes - oh yes!

"Aquarius/Let the Sunshine in" by the 5Th Dimension

Makes me want to put flowers in my hair and get happy!

My favorite::::: "The Rose" by Bette Midler

Can you get any better than that.

Now I need some more songs, I want to listen to a few more current songs. I am lost with what is great. I need suggestions. Oh by the way, I guess my auditory therapy is out of the bag, I need a new excuse.

Mom and the Gals

2008-05-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I wish....I wish I was in Georgia to hug my mom. So I am sending my love though the computer. My list is endless of why mom is fantastic, so let me put it in the nutshell.

Thank you mom for..

never saying I can't

always saying try

looking at me with love

accepting me for me

letting me grow up with two fantastic sisters

allowing me to be stubborn and strong-willed

giving me self-esteem, confidence, and independent

most of all mom, thank you for being my mom.

I love you.

Thank you Dona and Heather for...

being great sisters too

Love you,

Valerie

Evening

2008-05-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

I woke up last night having the strangest experience.......My husband was just laying there touching my cochlear implants. Not touching my face, telling me how nice I look sleeping. Not my hair and moving it out of my face. My implants!

Went back to sleep and about an hour later, I woke up again to him touching my cochlear implants. I said that is it!!! I sat up and scared him. " Alex, why are you touching my implants."

He said, I wanted to feel how they felt and ......

think of what they have given us

conversation

music

laughter

your self-esteem

that smile again

our family

most importantly, he said he just sat there and reflected on 20 years together. How we have overcome so much.

And the future together

So, I kissed him and hugged him then I said, Alex this implant is only successful because I wanted to hear Jenna's voice and enjoy a movie with you. It is a lot of work on me - then I was corrected us. So we went back to sleep, this time he hugged me.

That evening, I asked Alex. Is this the first time you have touched my cochlear implants at night? He shook his head, I do it every night because I'm thankful for them. Wow, who knew.

(Yes, this really happen, Also I asked for him to make sure I am really really asleep.)

What hood do you belong to?

2008-05-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

My goodness how many hoods do I belong too? Wow, too many to count. I decided to reflect using my prior knowledge on what hood and why. Remember these are not dictionary definitions, just my thoughts. If you want to look up the definitions, here is a web site - http://www.onelook.com/?w=*hood&ls=a

Teacherhood

Teacherhood is a fellowship of educators who have a degrees in education. They may teach, be administration, psychologist, or aide.

Cons
I sat in an IEP meeting yesterday. Another teacher cut off the parents' questions and insulted the other members of the team. She did not take the parents concerns seriously. I spoke up and took the meeting from this teacher and back to the parents. I don't want to be part of this type of teachhood.

Pros

Our wonderful Title 1 reading teacher, Tracy, set up a carnival for the students for successful TCAP testing(state testing). When the original plans fell through, she set up a fantastic day for the children with guitar hero, pies in face, free books, tattoos, cotton candy, and more. She recruited teachers to assist and all of us were proud to help. I want to be part of that this hood.

CI Hood

A fellowship of children, adults, and family members who use cochlear implants.

Cons

A group of people who view cochlear implants as cure for deafness. This group thinks cochlear implants are the only option for anyone who is deaf. I don't want to be part of this type of hood.

Pros

Personal choices and experiences shared in a way that are respectful and intelligent. Watching with joy as each one has CI moments. The fact I can ask anyone a questions and get a positive answer back. Hell, yes I want to be part of this hood.

Dancehood

A fellowship of crazy moms and children who love to dance.

Cons

I watched a mom push her child to be the "top" dancer and argue that her child is not in the correct level. A group of moms wanting nothing to do with average dancers because they are not acceptable to be around their children. No, I refuse to be part of this hood.

Pros

Watching Ms. Cindy of the Dance Force tell my child she can do it and showing her. How Ms. Cindy allowed Jenna to go to the small group ice cream party even though Jenna is not in a small group. She said Jenna has improved so much she deserves to be a part of it. Then watching my child beam and tell me she loves dance because she gets to learn it from Ms. Cindy. The best part was watching the other parents welcome Jenna to the party because she belonged. Yup, that's my hood

Motherhood, Fatherhood, Parenthood

A group of women and men with a common bond to raise children

Cons

A few years ago, a dad walked into my classroom and took off his belt and whipped his child in front of the class. I was so upset that I left the room and cried. In the store yesterday, I watched a parent yell at her child for not keeping up. She made the child cry and was so embarrassed. Not, my hood, no way no how

Pros

A wonderful student visited this week, I had K in 2nd grade. Her mom beamed with joy as she told how this year was going. Then she turned to her child and said, K, I am so proud of you. I really want to be part of that hood.

Medicalhood

A group of medical professionals not limited to nurses, doctors, audiologist, and insurance staff

Cons

I had to fight my insurance company a year to get them to pay for my cochlear implants. They also would not talk to me on relay service. They embarrassed me. Also, when I went to my doctor with my hair falling out, he just put me on Zoloft. The doctor refused to listen to me. He thought I was making up problems. That hood has to change. I will not be a part of it.

Pros

Let Them Hear Foundation(http://www.letthemhear.org/) fought for my cochlear implants, as I gave up hope of ever being approved. They listened and provided a service without asking for anything in return. Not only did they get the approval for my implants, but they listened! really listened. There are not words to describe my appreciation to them not just for my implants, but for listening and accepting me. My neurologist listened and found the cause of my facial numbness and migraines. He listened! Now 5 years later, I am off all medicine and migraines are gone. My cochlear implant surgeon, Dr. Ladabie listened and answered any question I had. Some questions I asked 5 to 6 times. He e-mailed answers within hours. I love this hood. Sign me up for more medical hood like this.

Deafhood

A fellowship of person who have a hearing loss, they may use hearing aids, cochlear implant or nothing. This group understands the journey and respects others. I also include parents and other family members. They are also on the journey with their child. (MY PERSONAL DEFINITION)

Cons

Segregation, isolation, and judgement of person who use hearing aids, cochlear implants, limited ASL or other visual language(Cued, SEE, or others). Judgement of if the person is deaf enough. Use of "we" to show isolation and ridicule.

Pros

The most amazing group of people I have ever met. People who see Valerie first and accept me and my choices. They assist, they teach, they laugh, they suggest, they think, and most of all listen. My hood is joined by a common characteristic - deafness. It does not define me, it expands me.

There are so many hood we are members of - sisterhood, brotherhood, footballhood, bookhood and a ton more. As with all experiences in life, we must take the pros and the cons. I might not identify with a sample of that hood, but I can't give up on it because of a few who believe they control the definition and membership. Our life should be filled with harmony, love, friendship, and hoods, through good times and bad times. I love my hoods, I accept them pros and cons. I don't leave them when the times are rough. United we stand, divided we fall - let's not fall!

Mrs. D, are you deaf?

2008-04-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

On Monday afternoon a bubbly, third grader came bouncing up to me during hall duty.

"Jenna said, you are deaf, are you?" bubbly third grader said.

"Yes, I am." I stated back

WAIT

When did I become deaf? A year ago, I would have corrected the student by said no, I'm hard of hearing. I just use hearing aids, but I am just like you.

I am not sure when I started to develop my deaf identity, was it before surgery, after, or during 3 weeks of total silence. All I know is that I made that transition not kicking and screaming, but peacefully and happily. I cherish finding my identity.

Now how do I move from deaf to Deaf?

***My whole hearing history has been challenged, I might have been born with a degree of hearing loss and not at age 3 from Rheumetic fever. As I try to explore the cause of my hearing loss, I will keep you informed. It turns out my mom is a carrier of Ashkenazi Jews gene. My aunt has the dominate genes. So we are trying to find out it that has caused my hearing loss.

Technology - How did we survive before them?

2008-04-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

On our recent trip to Nashville for Jenna's dance competition, a voice boomed out in the quiet car. Turn right now! Travel 4.5 miles on I24 to exit 24. What sound, what memory, what accurate directions.....What in the world did I do without a GPS!

I wondered how I made it 2, 5 or 10 years ago with some of the current technology that I have surrounded my life with. When did a GPS replace map quest or the pull out map? How did I cook dinner without a microwave? That electric toothbrush really cleans. The joy of itouch with music and Internet at the touch of a finger. Even my laptop with WiFi, so I can sit in the living room watching digital television while doing lesson plans. Don't even get me started on e-mail!

Some technology I choose to keep out of the house, not much some. I can't even think of what but there has to be something with technology that I don't use.

I struggle with the question, did I allow myself to be enslaved with technology advances or did I allow technology to decutter and simplify my life. I choose to think that some technology allow life to be enriched. I cherish the Internet and my blogging community. Without it I would be full of cochlear implant questions and no one to answer them. My GPS takes the frustration out of driving and I feel safer driving distances. The microwave allows the family to eat together quickly since we have very busy lives. My itouch allows me to enjoy music after 20 years of musical silences. And yes, finally my cochlear implants give the rich sounds, voices and peace fullness that hearing aids could not give me.

So as I sit on my computer, listening to music, enjoying my implants and texting my friend, I hope the next 5 years give technology as great as today. I really need an automatic laundry folder.

What I learned this past week?

2008-04-18T04:44:00.000-07:00

Done.....finally done.....oh that is TCAP testing

Here is a little question for you. The answer will be at the end of the blog. Remember you can not take too long to answer and do not use a calculator. You can use scrap paper.

Math Question TCAP test has four parts, Reading, Math, Science and Social Studies. Each part has two sub test. The mean time for the test is 54 minutes. My class has extended time, which means 1.5 of the test time. We take each 2 sub test a day. There are two groups of students taking this test, a morning and afternoon group. Each group has the same accommodations. What is the told time, I spend reading the test aloud per day? How long the whole week?

Science Question
What moon phase do you not test any children during?
A. Waxing Crescent
B. Full Moon
C. First Quarter
D. Any Moon

Social Studies Question
Who Am I?
I created a law that holds schools accountable for academic progress of students.
I think state testing is the only way to measure if the schools are doing their job.
If schools do not "pass" testing, I will take money away from them and I will not support them.
I am the reason thousands of teachers have been pulling out their hair.
Who am I?

Reading Question
Read the top 10 list and find all the mistakes in grammar and punctuation.

This is what I have learned this week:
10. Chocolate is the best to jump start the brain.
9. McDonald's has the best sweet tea. Just wish they added an extra shot of caffeine.
8. When you are ready to start the test, someone will have to go to the restroom.
7. All pencils will break, always have backups.
5. Students really want to do their best, it is very stressful for them. Keep humor and hugs available.
4. M&M's are good, the green taste the best. Boys hate the pink ones, but will eat them too!
3. I paid 8 dollars to help the Boy Scouts go to camp. I was able to dress in jeans all week. Thank goodness for comfort.
2. Whatever you do, do not drink anything near a test.
1. Number one thing I learned from testing........It will never tell me what my students truly know. It will never tell me what I know and how I teach.
1/2 it's done......

Jenna and I are off to Georgia for dance competition and visit with my mom and dad. I am going to enjoy it.

Answers:
1. too long
2. Any moon
3. Like you don't know
4. too many to count....

Why I love CI Children's Blogs?

2008-04-16T02:27:00.001-07:00

The reason why I love to read CI children's blogs are it gives me a glimmer into what my mom had to go through with me. Thirty-six years ago mom did not have the support system or Internet that is in place today. I went through school without an IEP, FM system, CART, Interpreter, or note taker. I had only one year of speech therapy. But I had Mom and Dad!

I admire the hard choices parents make for their children. I wish it was available 36 years ago.

I was asked about educational practices. My teaching does not pull from one philosophy or teaching. I take some from each. One practice I use daily in my classroom is Dale's Cone of Experience(went to school in the 90's, during Whole Language movement). In theory or in a nutshell, the more the student involve in the teaching and learning process, the more they remember and understand.

I use others like Rigor and Relevance, Best Practices, and others. Teaching has changed so much in the 14+ years I have been teaching. Everything I do is based on research and data. Progress monitoring and common assessments are the norm. I loved teaching when it was just teaching. Now I understand teaching. Teaching is not just for giving out the skills, it enables the student to build on prior knowledge and develop into a lifetime of knowledge. That in a nutshell is my classroom. Hey it's 4:40 A.M. and state testing week, I'm whipped!

Can any of them talk too?

2008-04-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

I thought I heard it all. This one comment just kicked it! WTF!

Can any of them talk too?

It was posted as a comment following a fantastic video on ASL-Cochlear Implant Community: http://aslci.blogspot.com/2008/04/faces-of-asl-ci-users.html

I was raised an oral deaf student. I was very successful. I have been a successful adult. I wear CIs and love them, BUT it is wrong to pass judgement on others because they do not follow the "only way". I have not seen the world through rose colored glasses. I mean, I teach.

As an educator, when you met a child for the first time, you welcome them. In welcoming a child you accept their strengths and weaknesses. Not all children aquire knowledge the same way. This above comment discriminates against children who use ASL. That is wrong.

The first step in education is knowing that not all children needs are the same. Some children will use their voice and others their hands. Many use both. Educators don't pick the weakest skills, they use the child's strongest skill and build on it. All CI children should have the option to use ASL, speech, or both. Nothing should be held back. Accept all or accept none!, not just the ones who fit the perfect package.

I have been tagged! :)

2008-04-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm very excited that David at Life in Cone Silence has tagged me. Here are the rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

I have to answer questions and people I tag have to answer the same questions, so here I go.

What was I doing 10 years ago:
Ten years ago I was just around 2 months pregnant with Jenna. I was teaching 3rd grade at the same school I have been for the past 14 years. Since I had terrible morning sickness, I did not cook for 9+months. I lost 20 pounds in the first 3 months and Alex gained around 30.

Five Snacks I enjoy:
In a perfect, non weight-gaining world
1. Nachos with extra guacamole
2. Dr. Pepper - it is a snack by itself
3. Banana Pudding - the real kind with whipped cream from Golden Rule
4. Raspberry Scone with a large Chai Latte with extra Whipped Cream from Starbucks
5. Pecan Pie, not the frozen kind. I burn all mine.

In the real world:
1. Rice Cakes with water
2. Hot tea with equal and coffee mate
3. Sugar Free Jello with fat free whipped cream
4. Diet Dr. Pepper with the label covered
5. Watching Food Network and dreaming

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Buy our dream home.
2. Keep teaching just for the fun of it.
3. Set up scholarship funds for all the students in my school. Give them the dream of get a degree and hopes for the future.
4. Setting up funding to cover hearing aid cost. Most insurances do not cover the cost of hearing aids.
5. Get Alex the phone he wants. Since he has to wait until I am a billionaire, not getting it any earlier.

Five jobs that I have had:
1. Office Manager at a Print Shop - I worked with Jamie Bishop. He was killed at Virginia Tech.
2. Salesperson at Family Dollar - Mom got the job for me. The customers were stealing garage bags full of stuff daily.
3. Sub teacher - Great job, never had to stay in one classroom for more than a day.
4. Teacher -same school same Principal, moved into 5 different rooms.
That is all the jobs I have had, what can I say I don't like change.

Three of my habits:
1. Making the bed even before Alex gets up. I just roll him off.
2. Keeping desk clean, I hate fluff and mess. My drawers are messy, but the top clean.
3. Double checking to make sure I have my extra batteries.

Five place I have lived:
1. New Jersey - born in Neptune
2. Kingston, New York
3. Jackson, Georgia - home of the state jail.
4. Pine Mountain, Georgia and also the Valley
5. Ft. Campbell, Kentucky

Add one new part, What do you want others to get from your blog:
I hope others see my humor, dedication to my family and friends, and love of teaching. It is not about CI this and CI that, it is about a way to connect with others and hopeful learn something.

Five People I Want to Get to Know Better: (a nice way of saying TAG!) But don't feel obligated! Just do it if you want to.
1. http://contradica.blogspot.com/ - my buddy Abbie
2. http://soundcheckmama.blogspot.com/ - rock n roll mama Tiff
3. http://cyborgqueen.blogspot.com/ - my cyborg queen
4. http://atrude777.blogspot.com/ - awesome Alex
5. http://deafkidscanhear.blogspot.com/ - the first original Val

I love all your blogs and visit them often. I can't wait to read your answers.

Love ya,
Val

What a long 2 weeks!!!

2008-04-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

This has been one of the busy weeks since state testing(TCAP) starts on Monday. Here are some highlights of my two weeks.
*Broke up two fights, two girls and two boys. Girls are the worst since their arms and hands are everywhere. Boys are strong and hard to separate. I worry about damaging my processors. So I had to be careful.
* Jenna's dance competition in Nashville last weekend. Both dances won Gold. They also won the spirit award.
* I was up until midnight last Friday making my "spirit shirt." It said C.I. love the Dance Force. Only I understood what it meant.
*5 IEP meetings in two weeks and 2 left to do. No chance that 6 IEP meetings. It takes a good hour and half to complete the paperwork on each. I still have two to write or is that right.
*My students have forgotten everything since August 8, 2007. Worst I have forgotten too. If I hear the words mean, median, and mode or figurative language, I will scream!
*Run through - Principal lost her e-mail, Alex wants a new cell phone, Jenna wants a cell phone, can't see utube video for princiapl on school computer, can't copy it, and finally the dog is crazy!
* I heard the words I hate! You speak so good, I can't believe your deaf. My comment back was if I spoke so good, then you would never know I was deaf! I'm tired of that ignorance. Teachers should know better.
*A group of students said on Friday after the fight in the classroom, Mrs. D., I'm glad you broke up the fight and your okay. I don't want you to get hurt. So I guess there really are good kids, been so busy I forgot.

I am working on my blog on IEPs, it seems long and I want to see if I can make it shorter and more interesting.

I'm off to get my hair cut and out for BBQ with the gals. And NO Jenna and Alex have not gotten a new cell phone, I'm not listening to them.

But Mom, I'm deaf!!!!

2008-04-06T12:34:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was reminded of something I use to say to my mom when I was growing up. But mom, I'm deaf! I can't do it, I don't know how. But mom, I can't hear!

This pass weekend I had the joy of watching my daughter dance at dance competition in Nashville. There is nothing better than watching your child do something with so much effort and determination. Then over to the side during awards, I heard two parents talking. Each were making reasons why their child did not "win" within their category. One reason was the dance teacher had not "helped" her child and the other was her child being tired. WHY.....I had to bit my tongue. Stop doing that! Accept the outcome without blaming others.!

My mom's comment back to me was, Val stop it! Do what you can, study what you can, learn what you can, ask questions, ask for help, and finally just do it. Who said it would be easy. The important things in life are not easy, but worth it. If you don't believe in yourself, who will! And most importantly, who should if you don't.

So finally after awards on Saturday, They won two gold awards. I looked at my child with those big brown eyes and said Jenna, I'm proud of you! She said back to me, mom this was the best day. I got to dance!

Stop blaming others, start accepting responsibility and finally if you fall along the way, ask for help to get back up.

Kindergarten ASL...my way...

2008-03-31T15:59:00.000-07:00

Finally back to good Tennessee after a week vacation to moms. Glad to be back.

Before I left, my wonderful niece Paisley(named after Brad Paisley), called me and asked if I would teach her class sign language. How do you say no, I don't know enough.....I said yes, of course.

So I went to Pay's kindergarten class armored with my ASL book and an ABC book to teach with. I explained why people use ASL and why I am learning. I showed them my speech processor and cochlear implant. Then I read the ABC book and taught the ABC's. We sang happy birthday in sign language. Then we learned feelings, parents, and food names. The kids were so excited. I mean they ate up each sign and could not wait for more. I wished I was more fluent. I guess by the time Pay is in Middle School, I should have it down pack.

The highest complaint was when the children went to lunch and they were trying to sign to each other. I heard one girl say, signing takes the place of your voice. Let's practice. Another one said, I can't wait to get a book at the library. I want to learn more. I was so happy just to see the smile on my niece and my daughter's face.

Jenna and I had a wonderful trip. I can't wait to go back next month. I had a CI moment at mom's. I was in another room and mom made tea. She called Valerie come get tea. Oh course, I heard her the first time, but I was interested reading my blogs(Micheal's blog). She called again and said, Valerie you can't pretend you don't hear me anymore, I know you heard me. I laughed that mom knew I heard her. So I went to drink my tea and laugh.

So now we are home and trying to get going this week. I plan to post a blog on IEPs. I want to address the foundations of it. I also plan to post a blog on rigor and relevance and data in relationship to education philosophies.

What I want for Christmas?

2008-03-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

Sunday night my Bionic Buddy, Abbie and I were chatting. I told her we need to bling out our CIs - you know put our fake diamonds, rubies and pearls. The good stuff. So I google "Bling cochlear Implant". Look what came up, a bling out hearing aid. Wow, I want one! It is only $50,000. Since I wear two it is only $100,000!

Showed my husband that I found my Christmas gift. I had to have it and I'm giving him a long time to save. He fell to the floor and his mouth dropped. Then he said will insurance cover any of this??????? No, duh....my response.

So I'm off to Walmarts, since that is all I can afford, to find something to bling my CIs. Wonder if Foxy Brown has one (Abbie's comment).

Bilateral Cochlear Implants

2008-03-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

Why did I decide to do bilateral cochlear implants and also do them at the same time?

My process started 5 years ago, when I was finally realized that hearing aids were not going to help my hearing. It took 4 years to accept that I was going deaf. When I finally called for my appointment at Vanderbilt Medical Center, I had reached my point - accepting the next step. My appointment was June 6, 2006. I went through a series of test with my Audie, a CAT scan, and a doctor's appointment with Dr. Labadie. By 3 o'clock I found out I was approved for Cochlear implants. I know people who go through months to find out if they are even candidates. I found out within hours. Then I met with Dr. Ladabie. He explained my choices - one or two implants. He explained about risk and procedures. I listened and asked one question - what is the differences between one and two implants? He brought up sound location and noise discrimination. Then I asked this, if I wear two hearing aids then why not wear two cochlear implants? He said most people wear one, but research states two can be a benefit. To me it was a no brainer, get two now and not do one at a time. Plus I also hoped to get in a research project to help with the cost of surgery. So I left Vanderbilt with my three kits one from each company - Med El, Advanced Bionics, and Cochlear. Off to research and decide.

I chose Advanced Bionics. My reasons behind it was not research base or technology. I'm sorry to say I went with two things the rechargeable battery and the looks. I loved the look of the T-Mic and the batteries. I figured this, I have to wear these for at least the rest of my life, so why not pick something I like the looks of. I felt all were fantastic, but go with looks. I am so thankful I did make this choice, they are fantastic.

Denied, Denied, Denied.......My insurance denied my second implant based it being investigation. Vanderbilt filed several appeals for me and each one was denied. My next step was to asked for help. Let Them Hear is an organization in California that fights insurance denials for cochlear implants. They took my appeal and fought for me. They kept in contact with me, even as I was making the decision to just do one implant and move on. I must also say my insurance trust also was involve with the appeals and working with BCBS to have this approved. I can't express how many people put time and effect to get this done. I am overwhelmed to this day at the people at Clarksville Schools and Let Them Hear Foundation, who did this. They were so unselfish in this quest. My quest.....thank you.

http://www.letthemhear.org/

I finally had surgery July 19, 2007 and activation on August 8, 2007. These are two dates that I will forever remember. They are embedded into my mind just like the birth of my daughter. What has bilateral implants given me? It gives me a surround sound, location of sound, and two ears that work. Separately the ears don't seem to give a complete crisp sound, together they work together. Music is easier to listen too. I can tell which child is talking in class or asking for my help. I hear this pss....Mrs. Deleon how do I do this.....pss....can I go to the restroom. So in my career it is a benefit for bilateral.

I hear this all the time, the myth and the questions. So the choice was mine. My family assisted in deciding, but in the end it is my ears, my body, my choice. I also chose to support families that make this choice for there children. I know how hard it is to make this choice. I took me 5+ years.

The big differences in my success and failure were my expectations. I know I don't have "normal" hearing. My expectations were to be able to have a hearing conversation with my daughter. My cochlear implants have given me more than that.

This blog has allow me to accept my deafness and the journey it leads me on. I have met some fantastic people. I have changed my views on a lot. One thing has not changed, that cochlear implants are a personal choice and we as a community should provide support and accept others. Discrimination either deaf/Deaf, Hard of Hearing/hard of hearing. hearing/Hearing just destroys Culture and Communities, we can't let it destroy or divide ours.

I want to include a few articles and web sites that provide resources that I use.

http://www.cochlearamericas.com/PDFs/outcomes_using_bilateral.pdf research from Cochlear

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meadows/4602/mapping.html Say it in CI

http://www.alldeaf.com/ forum

http://www.bionicear.com/printables/reimbursement/BilateralCIBibliography-092006.pdf research on bilateral implants

http://www.cnts.ua.ac.be/Publications/2004/SGDDDYG04/publi069%20to%20print.pdf interesting article

There are so many more, this is just a few.

http://contradica.blogspot.com/ My favorite blog in the whole Internet

And just like that.....

2008-03-20T17:51:00.001-07:00

And just like that......my self-confidence, self-esteem, and hard work was ripped from under me.

Slap..tears...voice cracks....shaking.........

As a special education teacher one of my responsibilities is to assist in making the transition from elementary to middle school. It is always a difficult time, I'm letting my "babies" go off to the big new school. So this year I scheduled a meeting with the middle school to discuss the transition and programs for my students. So far so good.....I had no problems with any speech or understanding since it was in a closed room with only two people. Then the LEA came into the meeting to discuss a student. She asked the name of two of my students who are Hispanic. I told her. She looked at me and said - are you sure?

yes....She said say it again...I did....She said it is a L not a T......heartbeating....voice cracking....she questioned me again.....this time I said that is what she answers to when I call her.....heatbreaking....heart hurts.....Took everything I could to just pick myself up and leave the room.....failure......

I have known the LEA for years and I know she does not know I am deaf or had cochlear implant surgery. I know that she did not mean it that way, but my heart felt all my hard work just slip away. I felt less then a teacher at that moment, no less than a person. All my life I have dealt with people like that. Everyone has there horror stories of discrimination. It is not the discrimination, but how we deal with it.

I made a few mistakes in life in dealing with situations like this before. I cried...I argued...I bullied....I filed lawsuits(that is a good thing).....But in the end, did I make myself a stronger person? No....but this time...I will.

I'm done crying, heartbreaking, and allowing others to make me feel belittled. I am taking back my life, I am taking back my pronunciation of words and my heart....I am going to go over to the school at the next meeting and talk to her in private and let her know how it made me feel. I don't need an audience or an argument, I just need to let this person know I'm deaf and the questioning was inappropriate. I don't want an apology. I just want her to know that it was inappropriate and STOP IT.... then walk away.

What do you think? I am open to suggestions that require dealing with this one on one. Also tell me how you handled any situation in the past.

Val

What have I learned?

2008-03-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

After a trying day of teaching 5th graders how to figure the area of a triangle, a square, and a rectangle, I'm exhausted! No matter how many ways I explained it, or how many examples, or even how many days I went over it. They still had this puzzled look on their faces. I have come to a realization that it is not my teaching it is that they automatically see it as hard, so they shut me out. It is just like life. If you leave the door open, more can come in. If only a crawl space is open then not much can even make it in. We limit ourselves by not listening, seeing, or reaching out into the world. We are not the keepers of knowledge, in order to teach we must be willing to learn. Now what have I learned.

I have learned so much in this journey. Wow I can't believe that 7 months have past since my surgery. My surgery is not only important to my choices for cochlear implants, it is also the time I decided to reach out to the Deaf Community. I needed to talk to other CI users and deaf people. I wanted to learn as much as I could about what it is like to be deaf. Even though I have been deaf for 36 years, I felt I did not know how to be deaf. So here is what I have learned not only about the Deaf Community, but my family.

*Once you identify yourself as deaf, you no longer see yourself as hard of hearing or hearing impaired. It took 36 years to view myself this way. It really is a very easy to see myself as deaf. I'm at peace with it.

*I am a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was. Not only has my whole life changed in terms of hearing, but who I allow inside my life has changed. I found true friends. Ones who accept me. I also found a group of fantastic people online. They know my thoughts, they answer my questions, and most importantly they understand what it is like to go through what I am going through. My nightly chats with Abbie are the highlights of my day. I sometimes think we are twin because we think alike. Just wish I had the words she has.

*Families accept you. My whole life I thought I had to be better, be smarter, be wiser, be funnier. Little did I know that my family has always accepted my deafness. They accepted me with or without implants. Mom and dad love me for me. And as aways mom always knows best.

*Families part II. My husband and daughter also accept me. My daughter's favorite comment is daddy loves you for who you are not if you can hear or not. You know what even 9 years old get it right.

*Work, school, and my career are not just jobs. I found I love teaching again. I really can focus on teaching without worrying about hearing. I found I miss the interaction with students and can't wait to get to school each day. (most of the time, right now I n-e-e-d spring break only 2 days).

*Most importantly what I have learned is there are good, bad, and ugly in all groups of people. We make a choice to accept who we want into our homes, who we want to be friends with, and who we spend our time with. What I have learned it sometimes we can't keep out the bad and the ugly. We have to face it. What makes it a learning experience is how we handle it. Do we learn from it and grow, do we attack it and cause more damage, or do we allow it to hurt us? I chose to learn from it. We learn as much from a bad experience as we do a positive experience. The choice is yours and I quote our school news show. This is Val make it a good day, or not, the choice is yours.

Just Family Time

2008-03-15T05:42:00.000-07:00

Jenna is keeping me so busy with dance and school. She did not win the Science Fair, but she learned about my cochlear implants. She is just a fantastic gal. We are off to a dance competition today. Jenna has two dances, Shop Around and Footloose. Mom gets to do makeup, hair and all the great stuff. She gets to dance and enjoy being her! Go Dance Force!!!

I have not posted a picture of my husband, Alex or the dog, Brandi. This picture speaks volumes. Brandi it so spoiled she things she is human. No, the dog whisper can not solve her problems. That is okay, she is the best dog we have ever had. ***Hope Alex does not see picture, he will get me.**** :)

Enjoy the weekend, remember sing loud, dance like no one is watch(or in Jodi's case, dance naked), and hug the ones you love.

How can a word cause so much pain?

2008-03-06T10:02:00.000-08:00

I want to share with you my experiences. I can't wait to explain the changes in my life, since my cochlear implants. Better I want to tell you about how wearing hearing aids as a child really helped. How I am having a difficult time learning ASL.

Oh well,

Nevermind!

Cochlear Implant Science Experiment

2008-02-29T03:23:00.001-08:00

Just a quick posting, as we are off to dance competition this weekend. My lovely daughter did her science fair experiment on Which Magnet will stick to a cochlear implant. As you can see she won 2nd place in the school competition. I am very proud of her hard work. This project grow from a natural curiosity into why is mom putting magnets on her head! She wanted to see if any other magnets would work. It did! 3 out of 6 magnets worked. So now we are off to the county science fair on March 7th.

Deaf Teacher???

2008-02-18T20:10:00.000-08:00

How would you feel if your child had a teacher who was deaf? Okay, Okay let me make myself clear - How would you feel if your hearing child had a regular education teacher who was deaf?

Hmmm...This has been the debate I was part of today. Because what do teachers do on a day off, but talk about education and stress. I wondered what the parents of my past students felt the first time they met me. I wonder how they felt having their child in my class. How do people with a disability or impairment become their career title first and the disability second. I really wonder if I ever can be just the teacher, not the deaf teacher or the hard of hearing teacher.

When I decided to change from Pharmacy to Elementary Education, my mother was so angry. Why, why, why she said. I told her I wanted to make sure each child in my classroom would receive the best education. I wanted to make sure the children were first - a child-centered classroom. The majority of the teachers I had were fantastic, just the best. It was just this one teacher who tried to take my love of learning away. I wanted to be the one who caused students to fall in love with education - books, math, thinking, and learning. I hope I have been successful.

I have been so prosperous to be at the same elementary school for 14 years. I love the people I work with. I love the students and the parents. I love even the boxes that hold my mail and the lunchlady who feed me cucumbers when I was pregnant with Jenna. Teaching is not a job, it is my life. Hearing, hard of hearing, or deaf, I hope I taught others that being deaf is not a disability, it makes me, ME.

Now back to the orginal questions - do you care if your child's teacher is hard of hearing or deaf?

Jersey Gal's Birthday!

2008-02-15T03:09:00.000-08:00

Just a quick posting to say Happy Birthday to one of my favorite gals, Abbie at http://contradica.blogspot.com/ . When I started on this adventure in July 2007, she was one of the first people I met online. Where I did a little research, she knew the type of computer and all the fine details. She keeps me on track and makes my life interesting. Just like Jen over at http://stereophonicbionic.blogspot.com/ , she is one of the few people I would love to celebrate her birthday with. Awesome writer, funny person, and an overall great gal.

So I will make sure I eat something high in calories for you today - maybe a blizzard or starbucks or cake or doughnuts or oh well you get the idea.

Another thing happen yesterday, I had to asssist in breaking up a small fight at school. It was an afterthought about my CIs. My concern was to stop the danger and get the kids to the office. I wonder how I can balance the need to keep the peace and my technology.

Science fair has been postpone due to weather here - the snow - so hopefully we get the results next week. I will post how she did and all about it. Just a teaser - it was so much fun and I hope she stops sticking magnets to me soon.

A CI make over

2008-02-11T16:09:00.000-08:00

How did I get a CI make over. Judge for yourself.

This is after.

This is before

How did I get a CI make over - judge for yourself.

I am new to this type of posting, so I hope you understand that I had to cut and paste it a number of times to get it right. I just hope you can see why my CIs may not be a "miracle", but they are darn better than my hearing aids ever could be. That is why I did it, for me, for my family, for my career, and most importantly for my child.

CI Gal at Hannah Montana

2008-02-05T05:31:00.000-08:00

Who thought taking three girls to Hannah Montana 3D movie would be a blast!!!! I have been avoiding movies for years. I only go to the ones that Jenna must see. Usually I just sit there picking up a few words here and there. So for the past 6 months post activation, I have been waiting for the right movie. Along comes Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus the best of both worlds. So with a lot of planning and me keeping my big mouth shut, we did it.

My partners in crime are two of the best gals that someone can have, Billie and Vanessa. Billie's daughter has danced with Jenna for 5 years. So for 5 years she has repeating just about 90% of what is going on, so I can know what is going on with dance and get there on time. We share the love of Starbucks and shopping. Our daughters are best friends and act like two peas in a pod. I mean how many gals will cut the wrapping off after CI surgery, when my husband was ready to faint? Now Vanessa is my other special education teacher at school and my car pool gal. We share a tiny portable with 2 other teachers, so it is really tiny! We laugh and she keeps me in stitches. We share the love of ordering Chinese on Friday and sweet tea in the morning. And after surgery kept me in chocolate pudding, fat free, for weeks. It was the only thing I could eat after CI surgery. Her daughter is Hannah, not the Montana one, just beautiful Hannah age 5. These gals are my lifeline. Come on how many put up with me. I drive them crazy!!!

We planned for at least a month. Finally got the tickets last week. 15 bucks a ticket! So all set for Saturday afternoon. Lets see - Billie told Kayla the night before, because she said why did you not get tickets. So she finally told her. I told Jenna an hour before we left. I lied through my teeth for a week. She turned to me and said,"Mom, you are a big fat lier." I took that as a complaiment. I finally, I mean finally did not say anything. Wow, I'm impressed, I might be able to keep hubby's Valentine gift a secret. Vanessa did not tell Hannah until we walked up to the movie. I'm so impressed!

Forgot to say it is in 3-D, those black rimmed glasses looked so good on three excited gals and the little gals.

The movie was oh so exciting. Guitar piks flying, guitars swinging, and confitti streaming. I felt like I was in the front row. Disney pulled off a shocker! Three little gals eating popcorn, drinking Dr. Pepper and singing "Best of Both Worlds!" Oh course I wanted them to stand and dance in the aslies, but one one would do it. Except for a few loud singing, they were just so sweet. It was a dream come true - to sit in the movies with my daughter and yes, mom can enjoy it too!

2 ticket to Hannah Montana - 34.00

Popcorn, drink and candy - 18.75

Enjoying a movie with my little gal and best friends - priceless, really priceless

So now from the silly files: I am coming up with a love/hate relationship with my CIs. I hate my hair, I seem to have bad hair days, really bad days since I cut my hair. The magnets keep me from pulling it up. I have decided to find a hair style that will work with my CIs. I am on a lifetime mission to find a hair cut that does not clash with my magnets exceptly since my magnets are bright red with CI hear on them :)

From the serious file: My hubby surprised me!!! Really did, I got an ipod touch. My very own. So now I can listen to my 45 songs over and over again. I got a new song - "Take the Long Way Home" by Supertramp( not related to someone I know who will remain nameless :))

From the Science files: Upcoming blog, Jenna's science fair experiment. The title "Which Magnets Stick to Mommy's Cochlear Implants?"

CI Moment - I heard the tornado sirens last night without anyone telling me. So we are safe and sound. Thank goodness for technology!

Lollipops and gumdrops,

Valerie

My daughter's view of mom's CIs.

2008-01-31T17:11:00.000-08:00

From the mouth of my child.

I asked my wonderful and talented daughter to write a posting for today blog. She said, mom what do I write. I told her to choose. Let me prepare you that my smart, silly daughter has a mind of her own. She decided to make it a question and answer posting.

Topic: What is it like to have a mom who has Cochlear Implants?

Mom: What do you think is the biggest change in your mom since she got Cochlear Implants?

Jenna: She can hear me when I tell her important things. I don't have to give her back massueges because she does not get migraines anymore.

Mom: What new things can you and your mom do now?

Jenna: Listen to music together and watch more television together. She can hear the drive thru window, so I don't have to repeat what they say.

Mom: Do you get embrassed by the looks of the implant?

Jenna: No, it does not even matter. I can't even see them.

Mom: How has the implants gotten your dad in trouble?

Jenna: Mom can hear the silly things he said. Like when dad said mommy can hear a heartbeat from a frog in Africa. He also makes silly comments all the time.

Mom: What is the bad thing about mom's cochlear implants?

Jenna: When you take them off you can't hear me. Sometimes you get a headache.

Mom: What do you think of mom singing and listening to the ipod all the time?

Jenna: It is silly. My mom will never win on American Idol.

Mom: What would you do if you had cochlear implants?

Jenna: The same things!

Mom: Thank you Jenna for this wonderful interview.

Jenna: Thank you mom, cochlear implants can be good or bad, it is your choice.

So that is what my daughter thinks of my implants. To her it is no big deal, just part of me. I am very proud to have a daughter that loves me for me and ditto on my side.

**Side note - I found my audiogram from post activitation. I will post it so others can see the type of change it has made for me. I am looking for a t-shirt for Jenna on cochlear implant awareness. She wants one to that said "My mom wears Cochlear Implants!" **

Jenna is the one in the hat, that is my fantastic niece Paisley in pink.

I seek answers!

2008-01-29T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have not posted in a week. I spent the last week reading blogs, reading postings on alldeaf, and researching the internet. I spent a lot of time just reflecting. How did I get to this point? What happen that I was clueless for the past 39 years? Wow, when did my choice for implants and the choice of parents upset a whole community. Also what is my place in the Deaf Community? What purpose do I serve? How can I bridge parents of CI children, Deaf, HOH, and CI adults?

Then I realized I don't have answers, only more questions?

So here is my choice, I am going to keep on blogging. I am going to try to show the reflection of a positive experience with Cochlear Implants. I will defend any person I feel is treated against the golden rule "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I will show my support for others within my Community and find a way to enrich the community with my experiences.

So in saying that I have one more thing to say tonight - Karen, I am proud of you! I don't know if would have had your courage. I will find my strenghts in yours. It is a positive change you are making. ----Valerie

Who is that child?

2008-01-24T03:54:00.000-08:00

Who is that child? . . . . Who that child? . . . . Who child?

I know what you thought, I can't believe you thought that?

No way . . . This was my first sign language sentence I learned last night.

I can't believe you thought that!

Okay back to the topic. I started my first ASL class last night. It is offered by the local church with three teachers. Two are deaf and one is an interpreter. One word - difficult! I have spent the majority of my life reading lips. I can read lips and understand most of everything said. They had to turn off the voices and not move lips when signing. Now I had to work. Since I know my abc's and numbers, I got to move to group 2. :) We started on chapter 2 and 3. We practiced family names and pronouns. We had to sign out three sentences. So my sentence was ,Who is the child? I did it!!!!

Now I have to practice chapter 4. So I am putting 20 minutes a night to practice.

My husband is not very happy about me taking sign language course. He watch for 20 years as my hearing started to decline. He cried with me as I lost my interest in music and movies. He made journeys and trips to see what was happening to me. He held me and yelled(can't whisper anymore) I'll learn ASL with you. I always said no, I'm fine, we will make it. So now that I have hearing, alot of hearing, wait more hearing then I ever had, why do I want to hear ASL. I told him that is the point.

*I don't have to learn it to survive. I can learn it to enrich. I can make the choice without the choice being made for me. And plus I want to view the vloggers and understand.

So now he is accepting it better. It is hard to watch someone you love not understanding your choices. My wonderful hubby is also dealing with some hearing loss from the military. All the weapons caused some problems. I see it, it is very small, but there. The good news it is the same and has not progressed from 14 years ago.

Now music, music, music

I have made so much progress with music. I added three new songs. "Imagine" "Fancy" and "Alone." I am picking up most of the words from Imagine and Alone. Fancy is a tough nut to crack. The only words I am really getting is poor white trash!(my mom's favorite words growing up :)). Now for the top of Valerie's music chart is .........drumroll.........(cough)......

EVERYONE WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD? by Tears for Fears
Topping the chart at 227 times
Waiting for something, anything to take its place.
I'm begging, no my husband is really begging and my daughter is crying for something from the 80's and 90's with the same beat.
Please.....
Valerie

First ASL Class

2008-01-21T13:55:00.001-08:00

I signed up today for ASL class. Several years ago I took a beginners class, but since I don't use it everyday I lost most of it. My nine year old daughter and I will start class on Wednesday night. I am very excited.

I would never had been able to make this choice without reading the positive blogs and viewing the beautiful vlogs. Not only am I learning more about Deaf Culture, my hearing daughter is learning positive things as well. What makes this a positive experience is I don't feel I am forced to choice ASL to be a part of the Deaf Community, I felt accepted for me. So thank you DeafRead and all the bloggers and vloggers for welcoming me into the community. I hope you will see me not just an oral deaf adult, but as someone who is proud to be a Bilateral Cochlear Implant Deaf Adult.

Valerie

A CI break!

2008-01-20T19:05:00.000-08:00

After almost 6 months of Cochlear Implants, I decided to give myself a CI break today. A do not put on, do not use, do not look at, do not view break today. So how was my day?

Quiet, peaceful, lonely, and a headache

I usually get up in the morning and put on my cochlear implants, so I can listen to my ipod. With the break today, no music. I usually get to sit down with my husband and enjoy a quiet conversation over breakfast. It was quiet, I had to lipread which gave me a headache. I usually sit and play games with Jenna and just talk about our week. I got too frustrated with her to try because of all the activity with the dog and mess in her room, plus I still had a headache. On Sunday it is football time. I love to watch any game any team(if Tennessee is not playing). I can follow along without the caption. Today, I had to depend on the caption and missed the field noise. I walked away from the game. Sunday is the reward day at our house, so Jenna and I usually go out for ice cream or a treat. Today we went to Dairy Queen. I could not go through the drive through. We went inside and I had to depend on Jenna. I must have scared the cashier, I was confused with what was going on with there. Plus I still had a headache. What did I learn today.

1. I only get headaches when I don't wear my cochlear implants.

2. Everyone needs a day off, even me from my implants.

3. I enjoy sound. I like the noise. It is not just the conversation, but the background noise. The dryer going off, the timer in the kitchen. Just noise.

4. I missed the music.

5. My life has changed so much in 6 months. I forgot how I spent 36 years like this. I hope each day is better and better.

I still did not put in my CIs today. I learned so much from this and maybe in 6 more months I will do it again.

A little background info. I have had horrible migraines for most of my life. Before CI surgery I was taking neurotin 300mg 2 times and day and 600mg at night. I also took maxalt for the migraines and naproxen 2 times a day. Since surgery I have been taken off my meds completely. I have not had a "real" migraine since July 19th, 2007. The headache today is the closest I have had to a migraine. My doctor and I believe my hearing loss and hearing aid wearing caused my migraines. CIs do not.

**That is my wonderful daughter in the picture.**

Diversity or Uniformity

2008-01-20T05:31:00.001-08:00

I was involve with a debate on Cochlear Implants for children and adults. I respect others opionions and experiences. I have had a positive experience with my CIs. I love it. I can't wait to put them on in the morning. They empower me!

I feel very strongly that in order for the Deaf Community to grow, they need to celebrate its diversity.

I am not putting the person's name, but this discussion is on alldeaf
[QUOTE=person;900330]wow, all of you were here until one o clock a.m. to debate. :D It seems forever to sit on the chair and drink bunches of coffee cups to debate until we find fact the answer to bring it up to Washington, DC to send all the letters to the congressmen and FDA. ;)
We should work in the White House.[/QUOTE]

We will never work in the White house, why this is the same adminstration that also believes that students with disabilities and ELL should be 100% proficient on state testing . (my opinion)

The problem is there is no answer - we forget to take into account that every child and adult is different. We can't give a uniform policy. I'm oral and love it. Your ASL and love it. I am against being told I should have learned ASL to function. Your against being told you must be oral. I would never be able to put my child in a residental school. Also not all children are visual learners. Some are auditory(me) and Kinesthetic or even tactile. We have to take into account that not all children or adults will fit the in one group.

So what I see in this forum is instead of working together we isolate and form groups the anti and for. Instead of empowering parents and adults in choices and resources. We should never force people to pick sides. They should be able to have the best of both sides. If they make a choice for CIs then they should be able to be welcomed and encouraged. I kept seeing medical professionals bashed. My doctors and audiologicst have been the best. Even back to the ones I had in college.

Instead of celebrating our diversity, we encourage uniformity.

My dream is for my child to make a positive impact on society.

Why I Wear CIs - Val's top ten

2008-01-16T06:30:00.001-08:00

Why I get up each morning and wear my Cochlear Implants.

10. I have to have something to stick to the magnets, or else I stick to the metal doors at school.

9. So I can listen to "Everyone What to Rule the World" for 200 times, and not one can stop me. Except my singing, that is just plain scary.

8. To have a chalkboard/white board moment. and of course squeaky sneakers moment!

7. Now I can hear the phone ring, and answer it just to say I am deaf and don't talk on the phone. At least I hear the ringing!

6. CIs allow me to do the one thing I love more than anything - Teach. I enjoy the interaction with my students and that I can enjoy it without the stress placed on hearing.

5. Being able to follow a conversation without asking others to repeat themselves. Also being able to contribute to the conversation without repeating other comments by people.

4. The ability to enjoy my daughter's dance class. To hear the music play and how the dance goes in rhythm to the music.

3. To hear the sirens before I see the lights.

2. To enjoy a nice evening with my husband without him having to repeat himself.

1. So I can hear my daughter say, "Mommy, Let me tell you something." for the million and one time in a day! I never get tired of hearing her voice!

One reason I am so thankful to take off my Cochlear Implants at night.

1. So I don't have to hear my husband snore!!!!!!

Handicapped or Ability

2008-01-10T17:58:00.000-08:00

This is from an imperfect memory, from a very imperfect daughter.

"I can raise you either handicap or with a disability using your ability!"

"Your not handicapped, you just can't hear well, if you want, you can do anything you want."

After I had surgery for bilateral Cochlear Implants, I asked mom questions.

*Why did you raise me oral deaf?

*Why didn't I learn ASL(American Sign Language)?

*Would you implant me if I qualified, when I was younger?

*Why were you so hard on me?

Mom's answer soon.

I am so blessed with a fantastic mother(dad did not forget you - you are great too!). My parents tried for 7 years to get hearing aids for me. The doctors and audiologist did not believe that I could benefit from them. In the 70's, technology was not where it is today. She raised me Oral Hard of Hearing. That was her choice for me. She would sit and teach me how to pronounce words. She found I learned it better by writing it down. So I wrote my spelling words 10 times each every night and in the morning before a spelling test. She told me, you do what you have to do to be successful. She would read with me. She well was just a mom, doing what a mom does - love and accept her child. Mom tried to find anyone who would at least try to fit me with hearing aids. Finally when I was in 4Th grade, I got my first Bel tones. That did not stop her!

With each event in my life, mom was there, pushing and pulling at me. With each success and failure, she pushed me harder. I remember the day I was found out I was graduating 5th in my high school class. I ran to the office by my English class to call. We both cried. I told her it was because she pushed me and would not allow me to be handicap. She would not allow me to use my hearing loss to get away with a lack of education.

As my hearing has decreased over the years to the point in which I am deaf and making a choice to get cochlear implants, I asked my mom what I should do. She said, Valerie, you do what makes you happy and what will allow you to live the life you want. She would accept me either decision, but not failure or giving up. That allowed me to reflect on why I want Cochlear Implants.

Now back to the questions:

*She raised me Oral Deaf because she felt she was making the best choice for me. Not the doctors, audiologist or teachers. She felt it was the best choice for the type of child I was.

*We lived in a small town, there were not the resources around. It was not as if she choose not to learn sign language, it was that it was not around. There were not classes in our town. If there were then we would have taken it if I wanted too. As I got older, I was too busy doing my high school stuff, and felt I did not need ASL. She wants me to learn ASL now, that way I have the resources I need.

*She said she would have implanted me earlier. She would have made the decision for cochlear implant, if I qualified for them. She sees the positive results and wished I had the chance earlier in life.

*Mom said she was hard on me because that is what parents do. She would not allow me to use my hearing as an excuse. She expected a lot from me. She saw my ability where others saw my inability.

So thanks mom (dad and family) from your imperfect daughter for giving me a life rich in love, education, family and of course sound.

I see evidence of different type of childhoods, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Each of us is a reflection of our own childhood and experiences. Sometimes they blind us from seeing that others are making different choices. Instead of accepting our differences, we try to make others understand and change their choices. I can see both sides, just the one thing I don't see is this - how can others judge families for cochlear implants? We don't need to be four separate communities - hearing, Deaf, Cochlear Implant, and Hard of hearing. We need to be one community that does not exclude anyone. We should provide love to all,understand and acceptable, education that does not discriminate, knowledge on all types of communications, and strengths to make a choice for your child or self without fear of being excluded.

I am proud to say I am part of a community that accepts me for who I am, a deaf individual who has bilateral cochlear implant, this community is one I surround myself with. They include all types of people - hearing, deaf, CIs, and hard of hearing.

That is my community - what is yours?

Why I Can't Stop The Music!

2008-01-07T15:44:00.001-08:00

I can't pin point when the music stopped for me, I just know for the last 20 years I lost the music. I lost the magic of instruments and the glory of voices. I lost the magic of how music just made me feel just so happy(need a new word).

Fast forward..................

I found it - a week after activation. Of course it sounded terrible, just plain horrible. :( I was determined to find it again and make it better than before. So I took my husband's ipod video and set out to learn music again. It started with one song, "Little Jeanine" by Elton John. I pulled the lyrics up on the computer and sat and sang to the music. I listened to the this song, oh 30 to 60 times in one day. I kept it up until I understood the words and could pick up the piano. Oh how wonderful. Then slowly each day I added another song until my library is now 70. (thank you Minglewood for itune cards)

Now my latest obsession is the song "Everyone wants to rule the world" by Tears for Fears. I keep listening to it over and over and over and over again. I can't crack its code. I look at the lyrics, but somewhere in the middle I get lost. I also am overwhelmed by the fantastic instruments - the piano, the guitar, and the drums. Just something makes me listen around 70 times just yesterday. My husband who can hear the song through the ear buds, and I drove him completely crazy. Not a little, but the kind that he had ask me to leave the room so he could have some peace. Me - I just enjoyed another couple hours listening to the same song. I even had to listen one more time this morning walking to the office to go to my mailbox. And of course I made Vanessa and the kids listen to it again on the way home. So I need some new songs, please leave some suggestions. Please my husband begs you!

My life and random thoughts

2008-01-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

All my life I hear the saying, you can do anything you put your mind too! That is what I remember most about growing up. Here is a bit about how I came to choose Cochlear Implants at age 38.

I had rheumatic fever around age 3. It damaged my hearing and heart. My hearing loss is a sensorineural hearing loss.

*This means that a Sensorineural hearing loss occurs when there is damage to the inner ear (cochlea) or to the nerve pathways from the inner ear (retrocochlear) to the brain. Sensorineural hearing loss cannot be medically or surgically corrected. It is a permanent loss.
Sensorineural hearing loss not only involves a reduction in sound level, or ability to hear faint sounds, but also affects speech understanding, or ability to hear clearly.
Sensorineural hearing loss can be caused by diseases, birth injury, drugs that are toxic to the auditory system, and genetic syndromes. Sensorineural hearing loss may also occur as a result of noise exposure, viruses, head trauma, aging, and tumors.

Way back in the 70's they did not fit hearing aids for this type of loss or at least what they told my mom. It was at the age of 10 that I finally got my first hearing aid. A behind the ear(BTE) Beltone. Oh the sounds....I remember walking up and down the street to hear the birds sing. I remembered at 10 thinking oh it does not get any better than this.

Fast forward......

I married a wonderful man at 20, went to college got my degree in Early Childhood/Elementary Education, went to work at a fantastic school, had a wonderful child, finished my masters in Special Education, stayed at my fantastic school for 14 years(still there), and lost the majority of my hearing!

Around 7 years ago, I decided I could not do this anymore. The hearing loss was too great, but I did the best I could with so little hearing. I just went through my daily life. I started the process for cochlear implants in 2006. I found out I was a candidate within one day. I guess when you have 17% hearing in my left ear and 1% in my right ear, you qualify. I picked the best doctor in the world(my opinion), Dr. Ladabie at Vanderbilt Medical Center. My audiologist, Susan, is outstanding. That was the easy part. I was denied around 5-7 times from my insurance company. I had to have a fantastic organization, Let Them Hear, work to get my approval. I will write more about them later, just put it this way, they are the reason for this all.

So July 19, 2007 my dear scared husband took me to Vanderbilt and waited and waited from 6 A.M. to 3:30 P.M. All I remember is how thirsty I was. I drank 2 Sprites and wanted to go to back to sleep. The recovery was very hard. I tried to push myself into recovery from bilateral surgery in 5 days. I was back to school on the 29th of July.

Activation was the 8th of August - one day before the start of school. I wish I recorded my activation, but I really did not know what to expect. I just wanted to be able to hear my child talk, the rest was just gravy. There is not a word in the English language to describe what happen. All I know is my life has changed - - - completely!!

How completely has my life changed. I can talk to Jenna without turning around. I can hear the music as she dances at recitals and class. I can listen to music with an ipod. I have not enjoyed music in 20 years. I can have a conversation with my husband and understand him. I can continue to do the career I love so much, teach.

As I continue to write these blogs, I will share about me, my family, friends and fantastic CI group. With this New Year, I am so thankful for each day and the new sounds and enjoyment of renewed happiness.